


By The Time You Read This

by Not From Stars (Shadowcat), random_chick



Series: Stephen's Hearts [2]
Category: Primeval
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-08
Updated: 2011-09-08
Packaged: 2017-10-23 13:12:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 33,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/250668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadowcat/pseuds/Not%20From%20Stars, https://archiveofourown.org/users/random_chick/pseuds/random_chick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Abby had thought that after they came back from the anomaly, that the three of them could make a go of a relationship together. However, when Stephen and Becker fall into a pattern of doing nothing but fighting, it leads her to believe that they don't even care about her any longer. She leaves them a letter to say goodbye and disappears. Now, Stephen and Becker have to find a way to heal their old hurts between them in order to find Abby and convince her that they want to make a life together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for AU_BigBang 2011

_As you have both no doubt noticed, I didn't put your names at the beginning of this. I realized that no matter how I addressed it, one of you would be hurt and foolishly think that I preferred one over the other. No matter what I do or say, the two of you don't or won't believe me when I say that I love you both equally. Neither one of you have a bigger claim on my heart -- not you, Stephen, whom I fell in love with first, and not you, Hilary, whom I was with first. What's almost worse? I don't know any longer whether the two of you even love me or are just holding on to me because you're so involved in your posturing that you don't want to let me go and run the risk of me being with the other one. Where does your competition end and your love for me begin? Am I even in the equation any longer?_

 _Do you guys ever think of me as the one that you love and who loves you both, or have those feelings been lost in the constant desire to show each other you're the bigger man and that you have shut your hearts off from ever getting hurt again?_

 _I can't do this anymore. I love the both of you too much to stay and watch everything fall apart even further around us. I know the two of you still love each other, but you're both too busy using me as a weapon to work things out. I can't stay and be hurt and watch the two of you hurt and then hurt each other._

 _Maybe without me in the way, you guys can come to some sort of understanding or closure with each other. I will always love you both and wish you nothing but happiness. I hope you can both find someone that you can love as much as you can fight._

 _Don't try to find me. I've also left the ARC, so I wouldn't try to grill Connor or the others for information. Jenny doesn't know where I am, Hilary. Neither does Nick, Stephen._

 _I truly hope that the two of you can get past old hurts and find happiness some day -- before you lose more than you already have in your lives._

 _Love Always,  
Abby_

They found the letter at the same time, in Becker's flat, which was where the three of them had tended to spend the most time together. Becker picked the note up and read it, expression growing increasingly blank as he read.

When he finished, he turned and smacked the note against Stephen's chest. "I hope you're happy, Hart," he said, voice heavy. "Because that? Is all your fault, every bit of it."

Stephen grabbed the letter and re-read it, before giving Becker an angry look. "What the hell are you talking about? How is this my fault? You're the one with the issues."

"You're the one who came back!" Becker snapped. "You're the one who stayed around. You're the one who said he was going to take her from me!"

"I came back because you needed my help finding her! I stayed because she didn't want me to disappear again!" He slapped the note back at Becker.

Becker crumpled the note and let it fall. "Exactly. She wanted you to stay. I can't seem to avoid getting my life ruined by you, Stephen, and I'm sick of it." He hated the way his voice shook.

"She didn't want you to leave either, you moron. If I chased her away, you're just as guilty of it. You're always ready to pick a fight, no matter what! It doesn't surprise me that Abby didn't think you loved her any longer."

"I didn't trust you!" Becker snapped. "I didn't trust you not to break her heart or not to break mine again. I don't know _why_ I thought we could make the three of us work, other than Abby wanted it and I would die before telling her no about anything."

"I know that I hurt her badly before and I was trying to be careful not to! And damn it, I know I messed up with you, but I've been trying to make up for it!" Stephen shook his head. "You really think that I would do something to hurt her after everything we went through to get her back? Do you really think that little of me?"

"Let's see... you left me in the middle of the night, so... yeah, I kinda do." He sighed. "No, I don't. I still think as highly of you as I always did. Except the problem is that I still love you as much as I always did. And I shouldn't. Because your hers now."

"Not according to that," Stephen said grumpily, looking at the letter that was crumpled on the floor. "According to that, I've lost both of you." Stephen shook his head and turned for the door. "We should do something."

The problem was, he couldn't focus on what _to_ do. He had lost Becker long ago and had tried to get used to that. However, he had now lost Abby as well, and he wasn't sure how he was supposed to cope any longer.

"Stephen, wait," Becker said, reaching out to him before pulling his hand back. "We can't figure out any kind of plan if you leave. And how does that letter say you lost me? I'm right here, if you'd just say you love me and come back to me."

"Haven't I shown you that? All I've wanted to do since we got back from that anomaly was make things up to you and show you how much I loved you and regretted walking away from you. I knew my words wouldn't do a damn bit of good, not after so long." Stephen's voice caught as he tried to get everything out. "It doesn't matter what I feel or what I say now, Hil. We chased her off. How do I make up for costing you someone else you love?"

"Stay," Becker said, moving towards Stephen. "Stay and help me figure out how to get her back, that's how. You don't even have to stay in a relationship with me now that she's gone, if you don't want to. I know she was the thing holding us together. But stay in my life. Please."

"I wasn't staying only for Abby." He sighed. "I mean, yeah, at first it was because of her, because I love her and I didn't want to lose any part of her that I could have. But then I realized that I wanted to be with you, too, that I still loved you. Only, you hated me now. I deserved it, but that didn't make it any easier."

"I hated you, but I never stopped loving you," Becker admitted. "But by the time Abby and I got involved, I wasn't hurting as badly anymore. I didn't fall apart. I didn't cry. I didn't miss you so much it hurt."

"I hated myself every day for leaving you like that. I wanted to protect you from the person who was attacking everyone else and who I thought had caused the deaths of people I cared about. But I know now that I went about it all wrong." He let out a breath. "I'm glad that the two of you found each other and were happy. There's no one else that I would have picked for either one of you."

"Then why were you so determined to take away the person who made me happy?" His voice was quiet, sad, thoroughly unlike himself.

"Because there are times I can be a raging jackass and part of me hated you for being able to find and have what I couldn't. I wanted what you and Abby have." He let out a breath. "And, it weirded me out a little that I was in love with both of you. So, instead of bolting like I thought about doing, or being an adult about it... I lashed out."

"I'm not good with the lack of confidence thing," Becker said, reaching out to touch Stephen's face a moment before pulling his hand back. "You know that. So when you came in like that, all fierce determination... I loved the determination but hated what you were determined about."

"By the time I realized rationally that I really didn't want to hurt you, the two of us fighting and competing for her attention had become second nature. It was normal. Familiar."

"Will you stay tonight?" Becker asked quietly. "I don't particularly want to be alone right now."

Stephen was quiet for a moment before he nodded. "I'll stay." His shoulders were tight as he tried to suppress the fear he was feeling right now.

"And... just for future reference... unless you tossed them, you still have keys to my flat." He smiled sheepishly. "I never changed the locks. I was tempted to, but I never did. So if you ever can't take being alone... you can come camp out here with me."

Stephen started to respond and then closed his eyes tightly as his breath hitched. He was not going to break down, damn it, not right now. He couldn't do that to Becker. However, he couldn't help the anguish that swept through him. He and Becker were finally talking straight, finally working towards healing old wounds, but at what cost?

Becker pulled Stephen into his arms, holding the other man tightly. "It's going to be all right," he whispered. "It's going to be all right. We're going to figure out how to fix this and then we're going to get our Abby back. Whether she wants one or the other of us, or both of us, I'm going to figure out where she is for you. Because I can't stand to see you hurting like this."

"We broke her," he said against Becker's neck. "We broke her heart enough that she left us... and she's never run from anything in all the time I've known her." His voice was filled with self-loathing. "I did this to her. I'll do whatever she wants me to do, hell, I'll leave. I just need to know she's safe and that she's back with you where she belongs."

"Stephen, no. Don't say that. Because that's part of the problem." Becker pressed an absent kiss to Stephen's shoulder. "It's just us making her decisions for her again. If we bring her home and do that to her, it's just us completely missing her point."

"How can you be so calm?!" Stephen demanded, pulling back. "Don't you care that the woman you claim to be so in love with is hurting so badly that she ran away? Why aren't you reacting, planning, _something_?" Stephen blinked his eyes as he tried to stop the emotions from coming through. "We're standing here, making up, and the woman that caused us to come back in the same space together is out there somewhere!"

Becker couldn't help the hurt that flashed across his face. "Excuse me for worrying about you before worrying about myself," he said sharply. "Excuse me for _caring_ more about your reaction than about how this is affecting me. Because what I _want_ to do is fall apart, but can I? No! I'm the military man, so that means I'm the planner. I'm the one who has to figure it all out."

"I never said you had to be the one to figure it all out!" Stephen retorted, trying and failing not to lash out. "I don't expect you to come up with a plan all by yourself!" He stopped, fisting his hands in his hair. "I'm not good at any of this, damn it. She wasn't supposed to leave. She was supposed to stay with us and be safe and loved and I screwed that up."

"Yeah, you did," Becker snapped. He sighed. "But it's not like I didn't do my own share of screwing it up. Because I fell so hard for her and I went from that to fighting you for her. It obviously came across not at all the way I meant it. Which still wasn't the right thing, but... I wasn't trying to drive her away, I was trying to keep her because I can't imagine not having her in my life, and if she was yours... then I wouldn't have had her in my life. Not the way I want her there."

"When did it become more important for us to fight than to love her, Hilary? When did the two of us become such bloody idiots that we couldn't see what we were doing?" He frowned. "Don't answer that. I don't need to know when you thought I became that stupid. If I had known that I was hurting her like this, I would have backed off. I wouldn't have fought you so hard, because it wasn't supposed to be this way!" He stopped, trying to get his breath enough to think. "How did you want her there? In your life, I mean."

"I wanted her to spend the rest of her life with me," Becker said simply. "And if she was with you, I'd never get that."

Stephen stared at him. "You wanted her to marry you."

"I don't know." Becker shrugged. "Maybe. I hadn't really defined it that far. I just knew that I wanted forever."

"And then she disappeared in the anomaly and I showed up to complicate things all to hell for you." Stephen sighed. "She wanted us both... at least that's what her letter seems to have said. If I had known you wanted... no, that's not true. I probably still wouldn't have backed off. I love her like I love you."

"Yeah, you did. Only then Abby wanted the two of us and I couldn't very well tell her what I was thinking because she wouldn't have understood. She wanted us both. So I gave it a try and I found myself falling in love with you all over again, no matter how many times I wished I weren't." He blinked and looked at Stephen. "So you would have fought me for her anyway, even if you'd known I wanted to marry her?"

Way to latch onto the wrong part of that, Becker.

"I don't know," Stephen answered him honestly, because at this point, what did he have left to lose? "I've been in love with her for a long time -- almost as long as I have been with you. I walked away from everything once, cut and ran like I did with you. I don't know if I could have been selfless enough to watch the two of you make a future that didn't have me in it."

"I want you in it, Stephen," Becker said quietly. "I don't know if we could make it work, but I never stopped wanting you, either."

"We're idiots."

"If we get her back... if we can convince her... I'm laying it all out for her and letting her decide. And abiding by whatever that decision is."

"I... I can do that, too." It would hurt like hell to lose them, but he would do it.

"I love you, Stephen. Whatever else happens, whatever we go through trying to get her back where she belongs with us, never forget that."

"I know I have a shite way of showing it, but I never stopped loving you."

Becker smiled faintly. "In that case, you're going to stay tonight. We're going to start fixing what Abby said went wrong. And we're going to start figuring out where she is."

Stephen nodded tiredly and went over to pick up the letter that she had left for them. "Where could she have gone? She would never have contacted that bitch mother of hers, and she had no one else." No one else but them, and the ARC. "And she says she left the ARC? Damn it. She loved her job and the people there."

"Her brother, maybe?" Becker wondered aloud. "No, that'd be too easy. She'd know we'd think of him straight away."

"And Jack's an idiot."

"But he loves her something fierce. So he may be an idiot, but he'd fight us in a heartbeat if we hurt her. So... not him." Becker frowned thoughtfully. "She says Jenny and Nick don't know. Who else might?"

"She wouldn't have told Connor," Stephen admitted sadly. "She knows that he wouldn't have been able to stand a chance keeping a secret with the two of us. If she didn't tell Nick or Jenny then I don't know. She had to have told _someone_."

"This is going to sound crazy, but... what about Lester?" Becker wondered. "I mean, she knows we'd probably never think of him."

Stephen just stared at him. "She wouldn't." But there was a dawning realization in his eyes that maybe she would have. "She would have had to give him her resignation. But she wouldn't have told him why." He stared at the other man feeling a sinking feeling in his stomach. "Would she?"

"He's a smart man. Even if she didn't tell him, he'd have probably been able to figure out why," Becker said. "And if he knows that, then... I don't know. Maybe he'd have wanted her to tell him where she was going. He does care about his team, after all."

"But it's _Lester_ and if he realizes that we hurt her enough that she left us and quit the ARC? He's not going to be too willing to help us find her and bring her back."

"No, but if you know how to read him, you can usually figure out what he's thinking."

Stephen ran a hand through his hair. "And you think you know how to read him?"

"I know how to read bureaucrats in general," Becker said with a mirthless smile. "There's one or two of them decorating the Becker family tree. The black sheep of the family, really, since we're mostly military. But enough time with them and I'm pretty sure I can tackle reading Lester."

"He's going to make this really difficult for us," Stephen mumbled. "He isn't that fond of me, but he adores Abby. Even I've seen it."

"I don't care how difficult he makes it," Becker said stubbornly. "We're going to get him to tell us whatever he knows."

Stephen looked at him and a small smile crossed his face momentarily before it disappeared. "I can honestly say that I hope you're right."

"You know me, Stephen. I'm a stubborn bastard. Learned from the best."

Stephen winced a little. "The stubborn part or the bastard part?" Clearly this was important right now.

"Both." There was something resembling affection in his voice, though, as he said it.

"Good to know I'm well-rounded," he muttered, but there was no heat in his voice.

"Under different circumstances, I would be leering at you for that."

He swallowed and looked at Becker. "Promise me we'll find her because I need to know that one of us believes that." And damn it, he hated admitting he was this scared.

"We'll find her, Stephen," Becker promised. "I don't know how long it's going to take, but we're going to find her. We're going to find her and we're going to get her back. Because I don't know how the three of us are supposed to fit together, but I know it sure as hell isn't like this."

Stephen nodded, letting out a breath. "Thank you for that."

"You're welcome," Becker said quietly.

He leaned against the wall, looking from Becker to the letter that was all they had left of Abby right now, and then back again. "Connor is going to be angry as hell at us, you know?" It wasn't the best thing to say, but he was grasping at anything to fill the emptiness he was feeling right now.

"Yeah, he is," Becker said with a slight nod.

"I don't know Dr. Page that well, but I know what Jenny is going to probably do to us if she can." He sighed. "Of course, Nick will just give us both that sad, disappointed look and try not to say anything to make us feel worse." He shook his head. "You think Quinn will try to shoot me?"

"It's always possible," Becker said trying for a casual shrug and failing.

"He's not exactly my biggest fan," Stephen said dryly. "He's very loyal to you, a good friend to have."

"He's a good man. A bit... unorthodox, but it works for him."

"He's a bit barmy."

Becker let out a startled laugh. "That's not the first time he's been called that."

"He's kind of possessive of Abby when I'm around and you're not," he said quietly. "He really doesn't like me, does he?"

"No, he doesn't," Becker said honestly. "You hurt her. He doesn't like anybody who hurts her."

"I didn't mean to hurt her. Hell, I didn't mean to hurt you. But when I thought she was dead because of Helen, and then found out she wasn't? I couldn't take things for awhile. Nick told me that she thought I saw her as a bad memory of a life I was trying to leave behind when I came to help track her." He sighed. "She brings out the protective instincts in people whether she needs to be protected or not, doesn't she?" He closed his eyes because he didn't want Becker to see how close he was to tears.

"She does," Becker agreed. "It's all I've ever wanted to be able to do for her."

"She deserves that. Her family... they were shite to her. I gathered that from the things she said and didn't say. I think that was always why she took so many risks."

"Because she wanted to feel alive and she wanted to find someone who'd care about her."

"I don't think she knew she had that until you. God knows I had never said anything to her about it."

"I was never very good at telling her how I felt, though," Becker said. "I just hope she knew how much I cared."

"I thought she did," Stephen said miserably. "I really thought she knew until we read that."

"Tell me I'm not completely screwed up," Becker said, his voice shaking now. "Tell me there isn't something wrong with me."

Stephen's eyes widened. "What? Why would you think that?"

"I drove her away, Stephen. And for the longest time, I thought I'd driven you away."

"No!" Stephen burst out, moving from the wall and grabbing the other man by his arms. "You did not drive me away. I was a bloody fool. I left you because I couldn't handle anything at the time." He shook him gently. "And you did not drive Abby away. If anyone is to blame for this, it's me. But we're going to find her and you're going to get her back because she loves you."

"She loves you, too." And for maybe the first time, there wasn't a trace of fear in his voice when he said those words.

Stephen leaned his forehead against the other man's. "I know. And I can't stop hurting her with it, it seems. I can't stop hurting you, either."

"You haven't hurt me lately," Becker whispered. "You're figuring it out, Stephen. And so am I."

"You didn't do anything wrong between you and I those years ago, Hilary. You need to know that. I thought Abby had been killed by Helen. I panicked. I thought if she could kill Abby because of me, she could find and kill you, too. When I left you, I didn't know yet that Abby was alive. I didn't want to put you at risk, too."

"But why didn't you come back to me when you found out she was alive?" Becker asked, bringing a hand up to cup Stephen's neck.

"Because I was afraid that Helen would come after you if she knew I loved you, too." He sighed. "She tried to kill the woman Nick loved. Then made me believe Abby was dead. I couldn't let her do it to you."

"You idiot." Becker was laughing through tears. "Do you realize that's the first time you've ever actually told me that?"

"It is?"

"You've told me you didn't want me to end up getting killed, too, but that's the first time you said it and made it sound like I was important to you."

"You were. I wanted to keep you save and alive from Helen."

"It was so confusing at the time, though. Because I didn't know anything about that. All I knew was that the man I loved had skipped out on me in the middle of the night."

"I wasn't exactly thinking clearly."

"No, you weren't," Becker said, reluctant to pull away from Stephen. This was as close as they'd been in a long time. They'd been intimate, yes, but there had still been a distance.

"I thought she had killed one love of mine," Stephen sighed. "I didn't want her to make you number two."

"I was young and stupid and thought you left because of me not doing something or not saying something or not being enough. I needed to know it wasn't my fault."

"I'm sorry, Becker," Stephen said quietly. "I was so wrapped up in my own pain and in my own mind that I didn't stop to think about how it could look to you."

"Promise me," Becker said. "Promise me that when... if... you leave me again, you'll tell me _why_ this time."

Stephen nodded without stopping to think about it. "If that happens, you'll get a reason. I owe you that much."

And that was when Becker finally pulled away, already trying to distance himself. Because to him, that response hadn't been a denial that Stephen would leave. It'd been a confirmation of it.

Stephen groaned in frustration. None of this night was going well. They found out they had broken the girl they loved more than anything and caused her to leave them. Add to that the fact that he couldn't seem to say the right thing.

"I'm only leaving if you or Abby tell me to," he finally said, watching Becker.

There could be no mistaking the way Becker's eyes lit up at that, and he knew it. "I can't speak for her, because doing that is part of what got us into this mess, but I know I'm never telling you to leave."

Some of the tension left Stephen's shoulders. Not all of it, but some of it. "So it doesn't bother you any longer that I'm in love with both of you? That I don't plan to hurt either one of you again?"

"I just want to be happy, Stephen. With both of you."

"That's what I want, too, Becker. That's all I've wanted since we got her back from that anomaly. A life, with the two of you."

"It didn't feel like that."

"Yeah, well, I can be a bastard at times. I'm not always the best at saying what needs to be said. And, it did feel like the only one that wanted me here was Abby." He sighed. "So, it was easier to fight with you than admit that I was hurting over you not wanting me around -- even though I deserved it."

"The only reason I fought with you, Stephen, is because you'd told me you were going to take my girlfriend away from me. Even after it was the three of us, it still felt sometimes like it was you trying to take her away."

"I think part of me was for a time there." And God, he felt like an ass for admitting. "But Becker, I realized not too long after that no one was going to be able to take Abby away from you."

Becker stepped back, half in shock and half in anger. "So you gave in and stayed with the two of us because it was the only way you could have her?"

"You really are an idiot sometimes," Stephen said, but there was no bite in his words this time. "At first, I came back here for that reason. Later, though, I realized that I didn't want to walk away from you again, either. If the only way I could be a strong part of your life was to constantly fight with you..."

"I'm sorry," Becker said quietly. "I know I haven't been at all easy to deal with. You haven't, either, but I... certainly haven't helped the equation any."

"We're a pair of arseholes," Stephen said quietly.

Becker laughed, but there wasn't any humor to it. "Yeah. Yeah, we are."

"We fucked up big time on this."

"But we'll make it right. Maybe it'll take time, but we'll make it right."

Stephen scrubbed his hands over his face. "God. I hope so. Because I can't stand to think about the idea of you losing her." He swallowed. "Or of me losing her."

"We haven't lost her forever," Becker said gently. "Just for a little while. And that means we can get her back."

"I don't know what I'll do if we don't. I really can't imagine that kind of future." He closed his eyes. "You _and_ her."

"Here's what we're going to do, Stephen," Becker said, his voice still gentle. "We're going to stop thinking about this for just long enough to eat dinner, because we can't let ourselves go just because she's gone. And then we're going to start figuring out how to get her back."

"I don't think I could eat anything right now, Hilary. I just can't. I keep thinking about how she must be feeling."

"You're going to try, though," Becker said. "You're going to try and I'm... going to start figuring out where she might be."

Oh yes, Becker was more worried about Stephen than about himself.

"When was the last time you ate anything?"

"This morning, when I had breakfast." Which had been quick and on the go.

"And it's what, nearly midnight now? You should eat something."

Becker shook his head. "I'll eat later. I don't see myself sleeping much tonight."

"The feeling is mutual."

"Please, Stephen? I can't help her right now, let me worry about you instead."

Stephen looked down, fighting the tears that he wanted to hide from the other man. He knew that sometimes the best way Becker coped was by taking care of those around him while his mind worked. So for that reason, he nodded. Right now, he'd do whatever he could to make things easier for the other man.

"Go crash on the couch," Becker directed. "I'll make you something simple."

"Yeah. All right." Stephen made his way slowly into the living room and sat down on the couch. When he was sure that he was out of the other man's sight, he buried his face in his hands, his shoulders shaking from the strain of holding back his sobs. He had ever only felt like this once before, and he had never expected he would go through it again.

A couple minutes later, Becker was making his way back into the living room with a plate -- holding two sandwiches and a bit of salad -- when he saw Stephen. He set the plate down and sat on the couch, wrapping an arm around the other man and pulling him close. He didn't say a word, wouldn't call attention to it, just held Stephen and let him cry.

It took Stephen a few moments to realize that he was being held, but when he did, he didn't even think of pulling away. He needed this comfort right now every bit as much as Becker needed to see him letting go for once.

"I love you," Becker whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of Stephen's head. "I love you so much and I hate seeing you hurting right now, because there's nothing I can do to make it go away. I can't bring her back."

"I should be trying to comfort you," Stephen whispered, not moving away. "You're hurting just as much and all I can do right now is fall apart on you."

"You're letting me try and comfort you, though," Becker said. "You're not pushing me away or saying things that hurt so I'll push you away. You're letting me hold you and you're crying in front of me. You're letting me in, Stephen."

He raised his hand to grip Becker's arm, making sure he kept a hold of him as he gave up fighting against letting Becker see the tears on his face.

Becker held Stephen close, letting the other man cry. He himself wanted to cry, but it wouldn't do either of them any good. He was the strong one just then. Later it'd be his turn to fall apart, but for now it was Stephen's.

It took awhile, but Stephen finally cried himself out and sighed sadly as he rested against Becker. "I probably should be embarrassed at falling apart like that, but I just can't be."

"Abby would tell you to never be embarrassed at letting out your emotions."

"If we find her and get her to come back, I'll never hide them from either of you again," he promised. "I won't hide them from you even if we..." He couldn't finish that thought. They would get her back, damn it. They would.

They _had_ to.


	2. Chapter 2

It'd taken Becker a while to get Stephen comfortable enough emotionally to even think about going to bed. Of course, Stephen had insisted he wasn't going to be able to sleep. Becker had just said all right, but that he should at least crawl into bed. Stephen had argued with that, too.

And had promptly been out like a light, the adrenaline finally gone.

Becker, however, was determined not to sleep for a little while longer. He couldn't do much for Stephen at the moment, so he'd do the one thing he _could_ do. He'd sit there and keep the other man safe for a while. Make him feel comfortable enough to _stay_ asleep.

Sometimes it was terrifying to realize that he'd let Stephen back into his heart, that Stephen was once more in a position where he could walk away and break Becker's heart all over again. And then things like this would happen. Oh, not Abby leaving. Obviously not that. But every time Becker started worrying that his heart was going to get hurt again, Stephen would do or say something that made the younger man realize that hey, maybe this was going to work out after all.

He knew it wasn't going to be easy. He wasn't so foolish as to think that it would be. But he could hardly be blamed for enjoying the times where things worked a little more easily.

Becker looked over at Stephen, glad to see that he was indeed still sleeping. "Hang in there," he whispered, brushing the fingers of one hand over Stephen's face lightly. "Hang in there, love. We'll find her. I promise you, we'll find her and we'll bring her home. Whatever it takes, I'll get her back for you."

For himself, too, but he knew Stephen would be feeling a special kind of relief when Abby came home to them.

Sighing softly, Becker turned his attention back to the book he'd been trying to read for the past twenty minutes or so. He wasn't sure what had made him pick this one up, other than the fact that it was something Abby had given him. But it wasn't keeping his attention, despite the way he kept trying to focus. So he shut the book and set it aside, turning his attention back to Stephen.

He'd always loved watching Stephen sleep. He'd spent more than his share of nights doing exactly that while they'd been together. He was pretty sure Stephen had known it, too, but he'd never come out and called Becker on it. So Becker had, more often than not, spent a portion of each night they shared a bed watching his lover sleep. Stephen always looked so peaceful when he was asleep, no matter what was going on; not now, though. Now, he looked every bit as troubled as he had while awake.

"I'm going to fix this," Becker whispered. "I promise."

Except he had no idea how.

 

Abby sat in the chair next to the window with her knees pulled up to her chin. It was late at night and she knew that the boys must have found her letter by now. Her chest and throat hurt from crying, but the tears were still trickling down her cheeks.

It was a hard thing, realizing that maybe you weren't as important to the men you loved as you thought you were.

It wasn't easy walking out on Becker and Stephen, but there had been no other choice. The fighting between them was tearing her apart. They didn't seem to believe or accept that she loved both of them with an equal amount of her heart. There wasn't either one of them that she loved more.

She buried her face in her knees. She felt like her world had ended. This would be the first time she spent a night alone since she had been rescued from the anomaly that she had been trapped on the other side of. The silence was taking some getting used to -- even if it was peaceful.

It seemed that the only time that the guys hadn't been fighting was when they were all having sex. Oh, the sex was intense and wonderful, but relationships needed to be based on much more than just amazing sex.

Abby sniffled, looking at the mobile phone that she was holding. There were several text messages and voice mails from Becker and from Stephen. She couldn't afford to read them all right now. She had to keep her resolve on this and if she read their messages or listened to her voice mail then she knew she would never be able to do this.

Running her thumb over the keypad once, she then pressed the key to turn off the phone. She just had to do this. She had to cut them out of her life right now. They had to figure things out between them and make peace with each other. They kept hurting each other and in turn hurt her. Oh, she knew they didn't mean to hurt her, but it had become more and more evident that whatever love they had for her took second place to using her as a weapon to cut at each other.

She dropped the mobile phone in the drawer of the table next to the chair. If she didn't have it right in sight, then she wouldn't be tempted to break her heart all over again.

The guys would have to figure all of this out without her. If they could heal each other's hurts, then maybe they could work things out. If they could stop fighting and start loving each other honestly, then things would be all right.

If they could heal things between them, then they would be able to find her.

 _If they still wanted her._

She swallowed past the pain in her throat. At one time she would have felt confident about telling people how much Becker and Stephen loved her. Lately, though, she just didn't know if she believed it any longer.

She wiped her eyes, but the tears kept coming. There were many reasons she had finally given up, but the most important reason was because of the tiny life that was growing inside her. She hadn't planned on hiding it from the guys, but when the fighting got worse between them, she couldn't tell them.

She wouldn't have the boys stay with her just because she was pregnant. She wouldn't make them pretend to want her because of their child. She had grown up with parents who hated each other and her and she wasn't going to allow any child of her own to go through that.

"We'll be all right, little one," she whispered, placing her hand on her stomach. "I don't know how, but we'll be all right."

She hoped that they would all end up being all right. She just didn't think that they would ever be all right together.

And God, that was threatening to rip her apart.

 

Time had passed slowly, so damnably slowly, until Becker had looked at the date one day and realized that over a month had gone by since Abby's leaving. A month where the only good thing to happen had been talking to Stephen and working through some of their issues. Not all of them, because he wasn't sure that would ever happen -- much less in just a month -- but some.

Becker was pretty much going through the motions at work nowadays. Oh, still the same dedication, but less of the vested interest.

He shut his locker with a heavy sigh. All he wanted to do was go home and curl up with Abby and Stephen and ignore the world. But Abby wasn't there, maybe wouldn't ever be there again.

He heard footsteps behind him but didn't bother to turn. Whichever member of the team it was, odds are it was someone who no longer liked him.

Lucky Becker, it was Danny. The other man leaned against one of the lockers and looked at him for a long moment.

"Any news?"

"No," Becker said with a quick shake of his head. "We... we don't know where she might be. We've looked everywhere we can think of."

"Maybe you should think about searching in places you wouldn't usually think she would go." He gave him a look. "After all, she quit here and no one ever thought they'd see the day she did that."

Danny, giving him actual advice? Was hell freezing over?

"Good idea," Becker said. "It's as good an idea as any, at least."

"I think it's only fair to warn you that I'm looking for her, too. As well as some of the others."

"We just want _someone_ to find her," Becker said. "We want to be able to talk to her, to tell her that we're trying to work through everything."

"I'm not trying to find her for you, Becker."

"But if you find her, we'll still have some kind of a chance to talk to her."

"Not if she decides she doesn't want to talk to you again." Danny looked like he was slouching against the locker quite comfortably. "Because I don't plan to bring her back into the lion's den with the two of you sods if I find her first."

"If you find her first, will you at least tell her we want to talk to her and ask her if she'll talk to us?" Becker asked, pleading and not giving a damn. He'd lost his pride weeks ago.

"I'll tell her," Danny said. "But frankly, mate, you don't even deserve to be in the same room with her. You not only chased her out of your life, you chased her away from a family that loved her."

"You think we don't know that? You think we don't hate that? You think we don't want to _change_ that?"

"If you truly wanted to change it, you would have done something about it before you hurt her so much she ran." Danny's eyes were hard. "I think that if she'll have me, I'll take a lot better care of her than you have."

"You are getting involved with her over my damn dead body." And that would be Becker launching himself at Danny and taking a vicious swing at him.

Danny let the swing connect and then shoved Becker away. He rubbed his jaw and gave Becker a chilly smile. "That's not something that you get to decide any longer, _Captain_ Becker. You come at me again and I'll plant you on the ground."

"Try anything with her and I'll come at you again, you can damn well count on it. I mistakenly thought I had to worry about losing her to my damn ex-boyfriend, I'm not going to worry about losing her to you, too."

"You already lost her when you broke her heart so badly she ran away from you," Danny's voice was harsh. "Better me than some stranger who wouldn't give a damn about the things she cares about. Have you and Hart even thought about taking care of her creatures in her absence? No, you haven't. Have you even thought of looking in places that would make it easy for her to hide from you in plain sight?"

"I'm going to get her back, Danny. I don't know how or when, but it _will_ happen."

"Don't make bets you can't honor, Captain."

"Oh, I'll honor this one, Quinn. No matter how long it takes."

"Then I guess you'd better hope you find her before I do."

"I will."

Danny smirked as he headed for the door. "Oh, by the way, just so you know? Rex is fine. He's been staying with Sarah or Connor. They wanted to make sure that he was taken care of so when I find Abby he's around for her."

Becker just fumed as Danny walked out of the room.

 

That night, Becker was still fuming something fierce when Stephen let himself into the flat that was now pretty much unofficially theirs. "Do I even want to know what's got you in such a foul mood?" he asked warily. "Or should I just leave for a few hours and let you be sullen and cranky?"

"Damn Bastard Danny Quinn!"

Stephen blinked. "So... sullen and cranky it is, then? What did Quinn do this time?"

"Wants Abby!"

"Can't have her." Stephen, stubborn and snarly and oh so very meaning it.

"He said if he finds her first he's not bringing her back into the lion's den to get broken again."

"Then we have to find her first."

"She ours and not his. I told him if he tried anything with her I would come at him. He is not taking her from us!"

"I refuse to think about losing her to him," Stephen said, still snarly. "It's one thing when it's one of us, but someone else? No. Just no."

Strangest bonding ever, yes? Yes.

"He said we don't deserve her and I hit him."

"Good for you," Stephen said with a decisive nod.

"I knew that he was angry as hell at us, but I never imagined he might want to keep her away from us if he managed to find her first." He looked at Stephen. "He thinks that he can take better care of her than we can."

"Well, he's wrong," Stephen said firmly. "He's _wrong_ , Hilary."

"I know he's wrong. No one can love her better than we do -- even if we were shite at showing it. I just don't want to think about losing her to someone else, Stephen."

"So we won't think about it," Stephen said. "We'll think about what we can do to find her. We'll think about what we can do when we find her, to convince her just how much we love her."

"Damn bastard."

Stephen looked at Becker from where he'd been sitting on the couch. "Hilary, come here. Sit down."

Becker was fuming, but he went and sat down next to him. "I can't believe he flat out told me he was going to take her from us."

"We're not going to let him, though," Stephen said. "One of the reasons Abby left was because we were too stubborn to stop fighting. Well, we're going to be that stubborn again -- but we're going to focus it on getting Abby back and treasuring her every single day we have her."

Becker sighed and buried his face in his hands. "I wanted to tear him apart when he said that he was going to keep Abby away from us."

Stephen wrapped an arm around him. "Listen to me. If he tries that, he's going to learn the hard way that you don't mess with us. We'll show him how determined we are."

Becker leaned into his embrace. "I want her back, Stephen. We need to get her back. I'm not sure where to look now."

"We've already tried everywhere that would make sense for her," Stephen said. "Which leaves us with... what?"

"Things that we wouldn't associate with her. What did she do before she was a zoologist?"

Stephen frowned, trying to think. "She worked at the zoo..."

"Maybe she's working as a vet somewhere? Or at a museum? We've already checked every live reptile house or rescue that we've been able to find in this damn country." His eyes filled with horror. "What if she left the country? We'd never find her then."

"Let's worry about exhausting our possibilities in the country first," Stephen said gently. "I don't think Abby would want to go too far from the others, just in case something happened to them. She'd want _someone_ to be able to find her."

"Lester," Becker finally said quietly. "We have to talk to Lester, Stephen."

"Then we'll go talk to him. I'll ride into work with you in the morning and we'll talk to him."

Becker nodded. "It's as good an idea as I can come up with right now. If anyone would have any information, it would be him. I don't think he would have just let Abby disappear."

"He's an overprotective bastard, even if he's good at hiding it."

"Abby trusted him," Becker reminded him. "If she went to anyone for help hiding, it would be him."

"Then tomorrow we're going to get some information out of him."

"Good. Because there is no way I'm letting Danny Quinn get to her first."

"There's no way _we're_ letting him get to her first," Stephen corrected, hugging Becker against him.

"Yes, you're right. _We're_ not letting anyone take our girl from us." He leaned into Stephen.

"You know, one of these days I'll go back to the ARC and it won't be for near-catastrophic reasons," Stephen said after a moment.

Becker would have laughed at that if he wasn't feeling so raw right now. "Maybe you should make sure to visit there a few times," he suggested. "After all, you've done other things that you swore never to do again."

"You've got a very good point there."

Becker nodded. "I have them sometimes."

"You have them a lot of the time. Don't sell yourself short, Hil."

"No, that's what we get to have Lester do to us tomorrow."

Stephen snorted. "How right you are, my friend. How right you are."


	3. Chapter 3

Lester didn't look up immediately as the two men entered his office. He continued looking at what he was working on at the computer.

"You should probably close the door behind you if you don't want the entire ARC to know what stupid gits you are," he said in his usual tone of voice.

"I can't believe I actually missed that tone," Stephen said dryly.

"Amazing what a man can miss even when it's looking him in the face," Lester replied, tapping a few more keys on the keyboard, before sliding it away from him.

"Nice job on the subtlety," Stephen said. "Lacking your usual efforts, though."

"Yes, well. I have a team that is having some issues functioning, a team member missing in action, a head of security acting like a git, and a former employee making things incredibly irritating for me."

"Then just tell me where Abby is and I'll be out of your hair." Stephen didn't really think it was going to be that easy, but he could hardly be faulted for trying.

The look Lester gave him spoke volumes.

"I'm not really interested in why you think I would know anything about Abby and even less interested in why you think I'd tell you if I did."

"You're the only person we can think of who'd know where she is."

"Let's say for the sake of argument that I _did_ have a clue where she might have run away to. Why should I tell you? You broke one of my best people. You caused her enough mental distress that she decided to quit my team and leave me short of someone that was needed." Lester leaned back in his chair and looked at both men. His look wasn't all that friendly.

"Because we can't try to make amends if we can't find her," Stephen pointed out. "And we _want_ to make amends. Or at least to hear it from her directly if she won't accept it."

Lester pinned Becker with a look. "And what do you have to say for yourself, Captain Becker?"

"That I love her," Becker replied. "That I haven't shown it well at all, yes. That's something I can't argue with. But I love her. And I want her to know that."

Lester looked at them both for a long time in silence. Finally, he leaned forward.

"No."

"What do you mean no?" Stephen had no problems snapping the words.

"If you're having a hard time with the meaning, I suggest you find yourself a dictionary and look the word up, Hart."

"What gives you the right to decide?"

"You mean aside from the fact that one Abby Maitland gave me legal authority to make decisions that would be in her best interest until she felt that she was of balanced mind again?" Lester's voice never changed in pitch, but he did have an air of smugness about him as he leaned back in his chair. "Or how about the fact that Abby is one of my people and I have very set rules about allowing someone to cause harm to one of my people?"

"Now I remember why I never really liked you all that much," Stephen muttered. "Is there _anything_ you can tell us?"

"Like me or not, the simple truth of the matter is that I have never betrayed any of my people and I have done my best to look out for them. That's more than you can say, now isn't it?"

"Answer his question," Becker said tiredly. "Please."

Well, at least _he'd_ attempted civility.

"I can tell you that she's safe. She's as well as could be expected after everything she's gone through."

"Oh, thank God she's safe."

"She is and I intend to make sure that she stays that way."

"We _will_ find her," Stephen said evenly. "I don't know when, but we will."

"Not without my help, you won't," Lester said with calm self-assurance. "Bureaucrats are wonderful at making people disappear."

"You forget I've got one on my side," Becker said. "My sister might not be as good as you, but she's still a wonderful resource."

"She may be at that, but Abby came to me for help and not her," Lester reminded him. "I'm supposed to look out for her best interests, and right now, I don't believe that either of you are in her best interest. In fact, I don't think that you have her best interests in mind at all. You spent months making her feel unimportant and unwanted and now you expect it to be easy to get in touch with her again? Gentlemen, she went through a great deal to vanish from your lives and until I think that you have come close to deserving to speak to her, you won't."

"Oh, damn you, we _don't_ expect it to be easy!" Stephen said, snapping. "If it were up to me, we wouldn't even be asking you. But you're the only option we have left so here we are. If you want to make our lives miserable... well, fine, we deserve it. But what we don't deserve is... okay, fine, I can't even finish that because we deserve all of it. But what you're not taking into account is the fact that we're _trying_."

"Until the two of you can think of your relationship in terms of her belonging to both of you together and not separately, then you are not trying hard enough. She loves the both of you idiots and while I think she can do much better, you are what she wants. She sees the three of you as a unit, a working triangle as it were. She's not with Hart or with Becker. She's with Hart _and_ Becker. Until the two of you can work that out in your brains and show me that you understand what it means to be loved like that by someone, you won't get near her." His eyes were cold as he looked at both of them. "I believe you know the way out."

Becker was mulling it over thoughtfully, but Stephen was still too angry to react with anything other than storming out of the office.

Becker followed him, digging the car keys out of his pocket. "Take the car home, I'll call when I'm done for the day," he said, slapping the keys into Stephen's hand. "I don't think you want to be hanging around here all day."

"He has no right to keep her from us," Stephen fumed. "I should go back in there and beat him senseless until he tells us where she is."

"Okay, you know what? No assaulting my boss, please."

Stephen gave him an incredulous look before he shook his head and turned away. He was outside in mere moments and driving away in even less time than that.

Becker just watched him go, suddenly having the feeling that maybe getting a ride home from someone would be a better idea.

 

He'd gotten through most of the day before ending up in a quiet place, alone, with a couple minutes to actually stop and think.

And he was definitely thinking, largely about what Lester had told them. Did Abby really see them as a unit and not just three people involved with each other? It would explain a few things, like how she'd been so protective of the both of them and why she'd left. Well, the less than obvious parts of why she'd left, because he knew the obvious side of it already.

He opened his locker with a sigh, reaching in for something and catching sight of the scattered handful of pictures he'd taped up inside. One was of his sister, but the other two... one was of himself and Stephen from their first go at a relationship, and the second was of the three of them from a few weeks before Abby had left. A couple things were obvious, given what Lester had said earlier.

First, that Abby absolutely adored them. _Them_ , not just one or the other or one more than the other.

Second, that she was damn protective of them, going by the way she was standing slightly in front of them instead of between them like they'd tried getting her to do.

And third, that he and Stephen were idiots. All right, so that one wasn't actually _in_ the picture, but it was a realization born of the first two things. It counted.

He brushed his finger over that picture, bowing his head slightly. "We miss you, Abby my girl," he whispered. "Stay safe. Wherever you are... stay safe."

 

Stephen had still been seething as he left. First Lester wouldn't tell them a damn thing and then Becker defended the man? That had been just too damn much to take. So instead of sucking the pain up and sticking around the ARC all day like he'd been contemplating for a moment because of Becker, he'd gone home.

Except he'd gone back to Becker's flat. And as he walked into the flat, he wondered when exactly this place had become home again.

He _liked_ that this was home to him again, liked it to a terrifying degree. Because he'd loved spending time around Becker before. Every moment they'd spent here had been quiet and calm and comforting. Even when they'd spent an utterly ridiculous amount of time shagging until they were exhausted -- which had been a frequent occurrence; they hadn't been able to get enough of each other at one point in the relationship -- things had still been calm and comforting.

And that was when it hit him. This place wasn't home. It was Becker.

Becker was home to him and always had been.

And, God willing, always would be.

 

It had been a month and a half since she had walked out on the boys and on her life, and Abby was still having a hard time with her decision. Oh, she had no doubts that it was the best thing for all concerned. However, it was the pain and the loneliness that she was having the worst time in dealing with.

She had a new job that she liked quite well, but it wasn't the same as working at the ARC. At the ARC, she had been a part of a team, a family. At the zoo, she was a quiet member of the staff that worked behind the scenes. She dealt with new arrivals to the zoo and with the babies. Apparently, Lester had been quite firm with his friend that gave her this job and told him that she was not to have anything to do with predators or large animals.

At first, she was more than a little angry at Lester's high-handedness, but she realized that it was to be expected. She had been the one to ask Lester for help in disappearing, after all. The predators or the larger animals could accidentally hurt her in her conditions. It wasn't just about the baby, but about the fact her arm and damage to her head had never fully healed after the return from the Pleistocene. Injuries that everyone agreed that Becker and Stephen didn't need to know about.

She missed her place at the ARC. She missed Her family, Jenny and Connor and Sarah and Danny. She missed the security lads that always time to work with her or just talk to her. She badly wanted to call the family, but she knew it was too risky.

When she was alone in the flat at night, that was when she felt like everything that had been a disaster because of her. She had asked Stephen to stay with them, but it hadn't gone like she had hoped.

For not the first time, she felt real fear that they didn't know what she was trying to do for them and would hate her and never want her back.

That thought caused her to collapse on the sofa in the flat and just cry.

 

Becker knew it probably wasn't his smartest idea ever, but Jenny and Sarah were Abby's friends. They would tell him honestly if the idea he had in mind would be a good one or not. Especially if he made it clear that this was just an idea he was thinking of and that it wasn't for certain what he was going with should Abby come back to them. For one thing, he hadn't even talked it over with Stephen yet.

He found Jenny first.

"You have a moment?"

Jenny looked up from what she was working on and pursed her lips for a second. "It depends. Are you going to tell me something stupid?"

"Uh, possibly," he said honestly. "But I'm not sure if it is or not. That's why I'm coming to you."

Well, potential points for admitting it, right?

She nodded and gestured him to shut the door of her office. "I don't where she is, so don't even ask. Although, I do plan to kick you severely when she's found."

"I know you don't. The letter she left said that." Becker shut the door. "What I want to know is if I can run an idea by you."

She raised an eyebrow. "I'm listening."

"Stephen and I agreed that we need to treasure Abby a whole lot more than we have. So I'm thinking we should do something. Give her something to show how much she means to us. Something she can have on her at all times."

"Go on."

"I'm thinking a ring."

"Well, I was certainly hope you weren't thinking of getting her a tag that said " _Mine Stay Back_ ". A ring has possibilities. What kind of ring?"

"I'm not sure," Becker admitted. "Nothing too flashy, because that's not the kind of girl she is. But something a _little_ fancier than a simple band. Something she could wear to work... wherever she is now, if she stays, or here if she comes back."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why now? Is this just some gesture to make because you need to make some kind of gesture, or have you truly thought about the symbolism -- and what such a thing will mean to Abby?"

"I think it's a little of both," he said after thinking about it. "Because we need to make some kind of gesture, but this isn't something I just pulled out of a hat, Jenny. I _know_ it will mean commitment to her."

"Yes, it will. It will mean a lifetime of commitment to her." She tapped her fingers on her desk. "Stephen agrees with this?"

"He doesn't know about it yet -- he will," Becker hurried to say. "I wanted to bounce it off someone before I talked to him about it, though. I wanted to know if someone else besides me thought it was as good an idea as I did."

"I think that for you and Abby, it's probably the best thing you could have thought up to show her you're truly committed to her and to her happiness."

He couldn't help smiling at that. "I love her, Jenny. And if I still worry sometimes about losing her, well, Stephen has the same worries."

"But are you two idiots still worried about losing her to each other?"

"On our bad days, yeah," he said candidly. "But... no, not so much anymore."

"That's something then," Jenny said. "I'll help you, Captain Becker, but on one condition."

He looked nervous at that but nodded. "Okay."

"Stephen has to ask me, too."

"Does he have to get the idea for that on his own or can I tell him?" Because if Stephen had to get the idea on his own, this might not go so well.

"To get her a ring or to ask me for help?" She put down her pencil. "However you think best. But make sure he knows, I'm not doing this for the two of you. I'm doing this because Abby loves you and I know wherever she is that she's hurting without you."

"I hate the idea of her hurting, Jen," Becker said quietly. "I hate knowing that it's because of me."

"It's not you alone, Becker," Jenny said gently. "Both of you hurt her -- just like both of you hurt each other. But she's not going to come back until she knows that you still love her and that you forgive her for this." She gave him a knowing look. "Believe me, I speak from experience."

He tilted his head and looked at her curiously. "Oh?"

"When I was much younger. The man I was with had issues from his past that I could no longer help him with. I left." She shrugged. "I beat myself up for it for a long time." She quirked a smile. "He never forgave me for leaving, even though it was the best thing for him in the end."

"Abby leaving us could never be the best thing for us," Becker said. "We're not whole without her."

"Then see that you make sure she knows that when you get her back," Jenny suggested kindly.

"We will," he promised. "Both of us."

"Good. Then as soon as I hear from Mr. Hart, we can start the shopping."


	4. Chapter 4

Becker wasn't expecting to see Stephen when he walked into his flat that evening. "Hey, you," he said, smiling cautiously. "What are you doing here? Thought you were upset with me."

"Staying away or running when I've been upset with you is what got us into this mess in the first place," Stephen said quietly.

"Are you still upset?" Becker asked as he shrugged his jacket off.

"A little," Stephen nodded. "Why did you agree with Lester?"

"I didn't agree with him, I just didn't want you killing him because I can't afford to bail you out of jail."

"But you think part of what he said makes sense. You have that look in your eye that you get when you've figured out a puzzle."

"Because part of it _does_ make sense," Becker said. He pulled the picture from his pocket and handed it to Stephen. "Look at it. Really look at it. Tell me what you see."

"I see you and me and Abby." He reached out to touch the picture. "That was taken by Connor a few weeks before she left."

"Look at Abby."

"She's standing in between us where she should be, sheltered by both of us." He started to hand the photo back and then frowned."No, that's not it. She should be between us, but she's slightly in front of us."

"Exactly. Like she's claiming _us_. Or trying to protect _us_."

"Not one or the other. _Both_ of us." Stephen's voice was sad. "Oh God. How many times had she done things exactly like this since we've been here and we never realized the truth?"

"I bet if we go over the pictures we've got of the three of us, she's doing the same thing in a lot of them," Becker said.

"That wouldn't surprise me to find out," Stephen said with a sigh. "Oh God, Abby." His eyes were filled with recrimination as he looked at Becker. "She tried so many times to show us and we broke her heart."

"But I have an idea for something we can do if we ever get her back," Becker said. "Something to show her what she means to us."

Stephen looked at him, hope shining in his eyes for the first time since Abby had left them. "What would that be?"

"Well, obviously we need to _do_ something, not just say the words," Becker started out. "Because we'll need to show her what it means to have her with us. So I'm thinking... what if we give her something? Something like a ring."

"A ring," Stephen mused. "Like an engagement ring?"

"Kind of. Because we can't marry her, but we can damn well show her that we would if we could."

Stephen chewed on the inside of his lip and then nodded. "And the fact that we want to do so would mean the world to her."

"And that we want to start life over with her."

"Starting over fresh without all of the baggage that we've let weigh on her the last few months."

"Exactly." Becker nodded. "I asked Jenny what she thought, because I wanted someone else's opinion before I suggested it to you. Someone who isn't as in the middle of it as we are. And she thinks it a good idea. She said she'll help us... but she had one condition."

Stephen frowned, thinking that nothing good could come out of Jenny Lewis having a condition before she'd help them get themselves out of this hole they had dug. "What condition is that?"

"You have to ask her, too."

He winced. "Swallowing glass would be easier."

"But as conditions go, it's an easy enough one," Becker pointed out. "She could've made us... okay, I don't know exactly, but she's protective and vindictive when you hurt her friends."

"And she and Abby have been really close," Stephen admitted leaning against the wall. "It's not like I can't blame her for wanting to be vicious and vindictive after we chased Abby away." He looked at Becker. "But I'd do anything for the three of us to have a chance to be a family together."

"Then go talk to Jenny," Becker said. "I know it means going near the ARC, but... you'll have to."

"For this, I can manage," Stephen said, hesitating for a second. "Think she's still there now?"

"Of course she is," Becker responded. "Cutter is still there until late, so Jenny is still there."

Stephen took a deep breath and looked at Becker. "Then it looks like I'm going down there now."

"Better sooner than later, Stephen."

"I know."

 

Half an hour, later Stephen had reached the ARC and was looking for Jenny. Thankfully she was still in her office and he didn't have to look too hard.

He knocked at the open door nervously.

Jenny looked up and raised an eyebrow. "Hello, Stephen."

"Can we talk?"

"Of course we can," she said with a small smile. "Come in."

He walked in and shut the door behind him. "Becker told me about the conversation he had with you."

"I figured that he would. I just didn't know how quickly you would find yourself down here."

"I want this to happen, Jenny," Stephen said as he took a seat. "I like the idea of giving Abby a ring to show that she's ours."

"And what about you and Becker?"

Stephen smiled; something had occurred to him on the drive over. "I want to do something for him, too. Not so much to show everyone else that he's mine but to show _him_ that he's mine."

"That's more than I expected from you," she admitted. "I was going to chew you out about how we all knew why Abby left, but you seem to have realized that on your own."

"We figured that out the day she left," Stephen said, looking down.

Jenny sighed. "And it took you this long to realize that she needed you both?"

"No, it took us this long to deal with our own issues," Stephen said. "I can't speak for Hilary, but I wouldn't have wanted Abby to come back to us the way we were. Not really."

"And what's so different now?"

"We realized what we are to her. Well, Hilary realized it first. We've got this picture, it's us with Abby, and usually she's between us. But this time, she's standing a little in front of us. And she's got this look on her face..."

"Like she's protecting you."

"Exactly."

"Like she needs you both to be safe."

Stephen nodded miserably.

"Like she wants you happy and comfortable."

Another miserable nod.

"And it only took her running from you to realize this," Jenny sighed, shaking her head. "You men."

"I can't exactly fault Hilary for being so hesitant," Stephen said. "I did come in trying to take Abby away from him, after all."

"Yeah and I haven't forgotten that or the way the two of you were acting at her bedside," Jenny warned him. "But I decided to deal with one idiotic man moment at a time."

"Fair enough." Stephen looked down for a second before looking back at Jenny. "I don't deserve either of them."

"No, you really don't, but lucky you, I don't get a say and they both would go to hell and back for you."

"I left him and he took me back. It was rocky, but he took me back." Stephen still couldn't quite believe that sometimes.

"You're a lucky man, Stephen Hart."

"I know I am, Jenny. I know I am."

"I hope you truly do because if you hurt either one of them again, your body will never be found." It was a little scary how pleasant her voice remained when she threatened someone.

"I don't want to hurt either of them. I never did."

"Then we have an understanding," she said crisply. "Now we need to decide what kind of rings you should buy the two of them."

"For her, it needs to be something simple and not too flashy, but a little bit flashy is okay." Because really, it just was. "But for him... I'm at a loss." And Stephen didn't do good with the whole admitting he didn't know something.

"A titanium band with a sapphire stone for Abby," Jenny said immediately. "A black titanium band for Becker."

"It sounds like you know what you're talking about."

"I know jewelery," Jenny said calmly as she pulled up a site on her computer. "I also know that you need to make one hell of a statement."

"I think I need to make beyond one hell of a statement."

Well, at least he'd caught on to that much.

"True, but you have to start somewhere."

"Having you on my side -- for this one specific part of it, I mean -- means a lot." Because he'd be lost without her advice.

"I'm on Abby's side, Stephen. It just so happens that she's happy with you and Becker, so I want to help." She frowned. "And I miss my friend."

"We miss her, too. It's not the same at home without her."

"I imagine that it's not. It's not the same here without her and her dedication to things, so I can only imagine that it feels worse at home without her."

"It's... so lonely at home," Stephen said. "So quiet. Because it doesn't feel the same without her, so we don't know how to act. Becker doesn't feel at home in his own damn flat anymore."

"You will _not_ tell Abby that little bit of information," Jenny said firmly. She knew how Abby would feel if she knew she had caused that. "I'm sorry it's so hard for the two of you, but I have to stay on Abby's side on this. She would never have left the two of you if you hadn't forced her hand." She turned her monitor to him. "What about that for Becker?"

"I wouldn't dream of saying it to her," Stephen said. He leaned forward to look at the monitor. "Oh, that's nice. I like that."

"It's very masculine, but it still sends a clear message to him about your intentions and your commitment to him."

"It's masculine, but there's something about it. Something softer. It's so him."

"Which is why it seems so perfect for him."

"I want this to be a surprise for him," Stephen said. "Because I know he's not expecting it."

"He could use a nice surprise or two."

"And I just want to make him happy. I've done a piss-poor job of it, but that's all I've wanted the last few months."

"You said it, I didn't." This time. "But you're getting a chance to make it up to him."

"And I'm going to make the most of it."

"See, I knew you weren't too stupid to learn. Quinn owes me fifty quid."

Stephen just stared at her for a second. "Did he seriously bet on whether we were too stupid to figure it out or not?"

Jenny looked at him silently for a moment. "It's _Danny Quinn_. He figured anything was possible since Abby left you and you guys hadn't noticed that she was hurting that badly."

"He tell you he pretty much told Becker he was making a play for Abby if he found her?"

"Now that, he didn't inform me of."

"Well, he did. Said he'd treat her better than we had. Becker came home ready to kill because of that."

"Danny has always been over-protective of the team."

"Becker was terrified that Danny _meant_ it."

"Do you know for sure that he doesn't?"

"No, I don't. And God, that's terrifying. But it's not stopping us from doing this. If Abby doesn't want us after we apologize, then so be it. But that's the only way he's getting a chance at her."

Jenny smirked. "I wouldn't bet on the chances of Abby not wanting you if I were Danny."

Stephen just returned the smirk.

"What about this one for Abby? It makes a statement, but she can still wear it everywhere." She turned the monitor to him. "The silver titanium is a tough metal and the sapphire is sizable without being gaudy."

"She'd like that, I think," Stephen said, studying it.

"And it's something that she would never take off for fear of it getting damaged."

"That's really what we both want for her with this. We want her to have something that's just unquestionably her."

"Then I think this is about perfect for her," Jenny said decidedly.

"This one it is, then," Stephen said with a nod.

She smiled as she printed out an invoice for both rings. "They've been charged to your main account and will be available for you to pick up tomorrow."

"You are a lifesaver, Jenny Lewis. An absolute lifesaver."

"I know," she said with a small smile. "I'll figure out something for you to do in return. You can start by making my friends happy again."

"Exactly what I plan to do," he said, reaching out to take the invoice.

"And Stephen" Jenny said quietly. "Try to make yourself happy, too. I may be firmly on Abby's side on this one, but it hurts Cutter to see you unhappy."

"I'm trying," Stephen said as he stood. "It's difficult, is all. Me trying to make myself happy is how we got into this mess in the first place."

"Do you love them both? Do you love just Becker? Do you love just Abby? You need to make a decision on that and stand firm no matter what you think is being thrown at you." Jenny leaned back in her chair. "No matter what, he's your best friend and he hurts when you hurt. He feels like an ass that he called you back here in the first place and that you've gotten hurt because of him."

"I love them both, Jen. I'd _die_ for them both." He took a deep breath. "And I'm going to spend the rest of my life making sure they know that."

Jenny nodded. "Good plan." She stood up. "Now get out of here. I need to go convince Cutter that it's okay to go home before midnight."

Stephen couldn't help laughing. "Good luck with that."

"If he doesn't want to sleep on the sofa, he'll listen."

Still laughing and shaking his head, Stephen headed out of the office.

 

Stephen let himself back into Becker's flat quietly, not sure if the other man would've called it a night while he was gone or not. When he saw Becker sitting on the sofa, he smiled. "Hello, love. Wasn't sure if you were up or not."

"I was waiting to see how it went with Jenny." Which was only part of the truth. He had laid down and felt too alone. Missing Abby hurt too much so he had camped out on the sofa to wait for Stephen.

"It went well," Stephen said, pulling the invoice out of his pocket and unfolding it. "Helped me pick out a ring for Abby, actually."

"I knew she'd know of something perfect. What are we getting her?"

"Titanium band with a sapphire stone," Stephen said, handing over the invoice and watching Becker. He'd meant it to be a surprise, but he'd never been good at keeping anything from the other man. He wanted to see just when it hit Becker what the invoice was saying.

It didn't take him very long to absorb what the invoice said. His hands tightened on the paper and then he lifted his eyes to look at Stephen. "Stephen... there's two rings on here."

"There are," Stephen said with a slight nod.

"One of them is a man's ring it says."

Stephen nodded again.

"Why?" His voice was soft.

"Because I damn well want the world to know you're spoken for." And now it was Stephen's turn to have a growl in his voice.

"Making a public claim, are you?" Becker's lips twitched.

"Damn right I am."

"Where's yours?"

"Hadn't really thought to order one."

"Then you need to," he said evenly. "If you're making a public statement about claiming Abby and me, it's only fair that we get to do the same for you."

"You'd want to?" Stephen promptly resisted the urge to facepalm. "I didn't mean it like that. I just meant that things are still kind of rocky between us and if I had a ring, I'd want to start wearing it right away."

"I'd want to... and I know Abby would want to, too." He smiled sadly. "You know as well as I do that if she knew about her ring and our desire to make a claim on her and show her we're serious, she'd want the same for both of us."

"Then you'll get to start wearing yours tomorrow, if you want," Stephen said as he sat next to Becker. "That's when I pick them up."

"I'm not wearing mine until we pick yours up."

Stephen smiled a little at that. "Stubborn man."

"Damn right I am."

"One of the many things I love about you." Stephen smiled again, affectionately. "When I pick up the other two rings tomorrow, I promise I'll talk to them about one for myself."

"Good, because until you have one, I'm not wearing mine, and I'm betting Abby won't either."

"We lucked out and were able to pick these two up next day," Stephen said. "So hopefully mine won't take too long. Because I really like the thought of everybody knowing you're taken."

Becker handed him back the invoice. "We have plenty of computer access. Order your ring."

"Oh, so now you're not just stubborn but you're bossy, too," Stephen said, laughing softly as he stood and went over to the computer.

Becker managed a grin. It wasn't as bright as the ones he usually had, but it was the best he could manage with Abby still being gone. "I have two very good teachers on that front."

"Yes. Yes, you do." Stephen returned the grin as he pulled up the website Jenny had ordered the rings from.

Becker just watched him for a long moment. "Thank you," he finally said.

"Hm?" Stephen had been absorbed in finding his ring, settling on one that looked almost but not quite identical to Becker's. "For what?"

"For wanting to."

"Why wouldn't I want to?" Stephen asked, looking serious and a bit confused.

Becker shrugged. "I don't know, but it means a lot to me that you want to make a public claim."

 

Stephen finished his order before going to sit back next to Becker. "Hilary, listen to me. I know I haven't exactly been the best boyfriend the past few months... and I know our first relationship wasn't perfect, either... but I love you. I love you so damn much. And I want the world to know that."

He smiled and nodded. "I know you do and I love you, too, Stephen. What happened before is over with and what's important is that things have changed for the better."

"I'm a lucky, lucky man," Stephen said, reaching out to take Becker's hand in his. "I got second chances I didn't deserve."

"We both have," Becker said, squeezing his hand gently.

"You deserved every chance you got. I didn't deserve a second chance with you or with Abby, but I got it. And I fouled up my second chance with Abby something good."

"But you're going to get a chance to fix it. We both are." He shook his head. "It took both of us to hurt her and drive her away, love. We'll get her back together."

"I hope you're right."


	5. Chapter 5

Three months.

Three months, one week, three days and sixteen hours.

That's how long it had been since she walked out on her entire life.

Abby's hands curled around the cup of tea she was supposedly drinking. In fact, she had been drinking this same cup of tea for the past hour since the security escort Lester insisted upon had left the flat. She wasn't quite sure why Lester had insisted on her having a security escort everywhere, but right now she was thankful for it. The visits and escorts from them had helped her keep a little bit in touch with the people at the ARC. She didn't dare contact any of them directly, but the security team helped her keep apprised of what was going on in her absence.

There were things that it hurt so badly to know, but it was also information that the team felt she needed to have access to. She felt guilty that they were currently forced to divide their loyalties between her and their captain, but every time she tried to apologize for it, she was firmly corrected. It wasn't like he had asked any of them where she was. Until he actually _asked_ and they had to lie, then there were no loyalties being divided.

She wasn't really sure how she felt about it being so easy for Becker's team to hide things right in front of him.

Tonight after work, she had been picked up at the back entrance to the zoo and escorted home as was the usual routine. The two men with her checked the flat over to make sure it was safe for the night and left -- after making her promise once again that she would call the team if anything happened.

She hadn't said anything, but tonight their actions made her miss Becker and Stephen more than usual. She didn't know if it was because of her hormones or if it was just because they weren't here with her. She had known that being apart from them was going to be hard as hell, but she hadn't realized how much it was going to continue to hurt.

It didn't help that the security guys told her that Becker rarely smiled these days, or that Stephen had been to the ARC more than once to talk to people about her. The way it was sounding, her boys had become shadows of their former selves.

 _Her boys._

It didn't matter that she was no longer with them, she would always think of them as being hers -- even if that wasn't what had ended up happening.

Sighing, she turned towards the kitchen to pour out the now cold tea. She was at the sink when she first felt it. There was a small twinge against her stomach. She went still, moving her hand over the location and it happened again.

The baby was moving.

The tears that started sliding down her cheeks were a combination of wonder at the feeling, and sorrow that Stephen and Hilary were missing it.

 

Becker had been thinking about it a lot over the past few weeks, more than was probably normal. He couldn't stay at the ARC any longer. His performance was suffering -- noticeable only to him, maybe, but noticeable nonetheless -- and every step he took came with an ache that made his heart hurt. Not seeing Abby made it all pointless.

Which was why he was sitting on the couch with his laptop, working on a letter he'd never imagined he'd ever turn in.

He wasn't sure how much time had passed between when he'd started and when Stephen came home; all he knew was that he'd been working a while by the time he heard the door open. "We need to talk," he called over his shoulder.

Stephen came into the room when Becker said that. He had noticed the other man working on something and hadn't wanted to bother him. Now, though, he dropped to the sofa next to him.

"You have that look on your face," Stephen said quietly.

"What look?" Becker asked, half listening and half looking at the computer screen.

"That look that says you're thinking about doing something that you're going to regret someday."

"I can't imagine regretting it," Becker said with a negative shake of his head as he looked at Stephen. "I can't imagine regretting resigning."

Stephen stared at him. "What did you just say?"

"I'm resigning," Becker said again.

"No. Hilary, no." Stephen was shaking his head. "Why? You're good at what you do and you're the best the ARC has."

"I have to, Stephen. I can't do it. I can't work someplace she used to work."

"She'd die if she knew you resigned because of her, you know that." He reached out to touch his arm. "If it wasn't for you, she would have died before, Hilary."

"It's not because of her, it's because of _me_ ," Becker said. "I'm not... reacting to things the same, not responding the same. I'm slower. Hesitant."

"No. I've seen you. You haven't slowed down or hesitated at all. You're just more brusque with your men and the team. You're not reacting mentally the same or responding emotionally the same, but physically, you're still the best."

"I can't do it anymore, Stephen," he said, his voice breaking. "I can't be there and know I won't be seeing her when I come around a corner anymore."

"Oh Hil," Stephen put his arm around his boyfriend. "Hil, we're going to get her back you'll have her back at the ARC again."

"What if she doesn't want to come back?" The tears were coming now, slowly but still there. "What if we've hurt her too badly?"

"We can fix the hurt we caused her, Hilary. You know we can. She loves us, not matter how things are right now. This is _Abby_ , our Abby. The woman that wanted to look out for us and keep us safe. We will find her because she won't assume otherwise."

"I'm scared that she's going to change her mind," he whispered, his voice tight. "That's she's going to decide it's not worth the pain we've caused her."

"That's not going to happen. We're every much a part of her as she is of us."

"I know," Becker said quietly. "Doesn't stop me from being scared, though."

"We both are, and I know that wherever she is, she's just as scared as we are," Stephen said quietly, one hand stroking Becker's hair.

"I'm still resigning," Becker said softly, the tears slowing. "Because even if I haven't started reacting differently... I can't be there anymore."

"I'll back you up with whatever you decide to do, love, but I really don't think you should do this," Stephen said, leaning his head against Becker's. "I know it hurts and I know it's hard... but I also know you. You will worry about the others if you're not there. You won't trust anyone else but you to keep them safe." He paused. "Ok, maybe not Quinn, but Cutter, Connor and Sarah? You won't trust anyone else because they're family." He took a breath. "And you know it would kill Abby if you left because of her."

"It's not because of her, it's because of _me_." Becker sighed and pulled back. "I can't react the way I need to inside to do this job as well as I have to do it."

It made Stephen hurt that Becker was giving up something that was so much a part of him. He didn't think it was the right decision for the other man, but he would stick by him. "Like I said, I'll back you up with whatever you decide to do... as long as it's not moving away from us." Because no. Just no.

"I'd never leave you," Becker said softly. "I love you too much. I _need_ you too much."

"That's good to know because I'd hunt you down and bring you back."

"I love you, you know that?"

"I know and I love you."

Becker turned his attention back to his laptop and saved the document before closing it and shutting the computer down. "I'm going to talk to Lester in the morning."

"Do you need or want me to come with you?"

Becker thought about it for a moment. "No. I want you here, so if it goes badly I can at least look forward to coming home to you."

"Avoid punching Danny out and it won't go badly."

"I'll do my best."

 

The next day found Becker in a much more nervous state, tapping the envelope against one hand nervously as he poked his head into Lester's office. "Do you have a moment?"

Lester raised an eyebrow and gestured him in. "I believe that I can spare one or two."

"That's all I'll need, sir," Becker said, walking in and holding the envelope out.

Lester eyed the envelope like it was something poisonous, but finally took it. "And what would this be?"

"My resignation."

"Would you like to repeat that in a tone that doesn't make me think you're a bigger idiot than I expected?"

"It's my resignation, sir." No, still going to make Lester think he's an idiot.

"I see." He leaned back, tapping the envelope against one hand. "Why?"

"I'm not an effective leader anymore."

"That is the most idiotic thing I think I have ever heard you say," Lester commented dryly. "And I've seen and heard a great deal of idiocy here."

"My response times are too slow, for one thing," Becker said. "I don't react to anything like I should, for another."

Lester shook his head. "Try again. I do read the reports that are submitted to me, after all."

"I can't do it anymore, sir. I can't work someplace she used to work. She haunts this place and I can't take it anymore. Because sometimes it feels like she's here, but she's not. She never is. And I can't take thinking for a split second that I'm going to see her in one of the labs or down the hall or in the locker room and then not seeing her." His voice was shaking despite his best efforts.

Lester stared at him for a long moment. "So am I to understand that you've given up, then, Captain Becker? You've decided you're never going to see her again so you are throwing away everything you've worked for and running away."

"No! It's just.... I can't deal with the pain when I'm reminded of her every single second of the day. I can't figure anything out. I can't figure out how to get her back when I'm too busy fighting the pain of missing her."

"I see." Lester looked at him for a long moment and then he tore the envelope in half without opening it. Then he tore the halves in half again. "I didn't accept her resignation, what makes you think that I'm going to accept yours?"

Becker just stared at him. "What am I supposed to do, then?" And yes, that was his voice cracking.

"You will not resign your job or your commission. I don't relish having to try to explain to my team why their Captain retreated to a cave with his tail tucked firmly between his legs." He dropped the torn up envelope in the garbage can. "You will take a leave of absence if you truly feel that you cannot be here at the moment."

"That's not what I want to do, though." There wasn't a terribly strong tone in his voice as he said it.

"But that's what you're going to do," Lester continued. "Abby try to resign and her paperwork ended up in the same place as yours. You will go home and you will eat something substantial and then you will get a decent night's sleep. Tomorrow you will go over everything you have already done to find her and you will make sure you haven't overlooked anything." Lester's voice was almost gentle. "If, in a week, you are no closer to finding her than you are now, you and Hart will report to my office at eight a.m. and we will discuss the next steps you'll be taking."

Becker took a moment -- and a deep breath -- to pull himself back together. "If we aren't any closer to finding her in a week, I think my next move _is_ going to be a leave. But you're right. For tonight, I'm going home and talking this over with Stephen and getting a decent night's sleep. Worrying is for tomorrow."

"I usually am right."

"If you were anyone else right now, sir, I'd be telling you to bite me." Becker quirked a grin. "But since you're you... I'll just say thank you."

"You're welcome. Now get out of my office and don't try anything this stupid again."

 

Becker let himself back into his flat an hour or so later, laughing softly to himself. Had he really been that stupid? Yes. Yes, he had.

Stephen looked up from the sofa when he came in. "How did it go?" His voice was cautious.

"Well, he didn't let me resign," Becker said, sitting next to Stephen.

"What?" Stephen was confused.

"He tore my resignation up and tossed it in the trash," Becker replied. "Told me to go home, eat, get some sleep, go over everything we've got in the morning. And in a week if we don't have anything more, you and I are going to meet with him and figure out from there where we go."

"He refused to let you resign?" Stephen was still confused. "Why did he do that?"

"I don't know," Becker said. "He said he didn't want to have to tell his team that I'd run with my tail between my legs."

Stephen winced and then frowned. "That's not what you're doing at all. He has no right to judge you like that."

"I don't think he meant it. Not the way it sounds, anyway. I think he was mostly just trying to shock some sense into me. Because he said that if I really feel like I can't be there, then I can just take a leave of absence."

"So he's being a controlling bastard again," Stephen muttered.

Becker touched Stephen's arm gently. "Down, Stephen. Don't be upset."

"He has no right to try to manipulate you, Hil."

"I think in his own way, he's trying to look out for me."

Stephen muttered something unflattering.

Becker snorted. "Be nice, you. And what's the matter? You're the one who didn't want me to quit, anyway."

"I know, but I still would have supported your decision."

"That... that means the world to me, Stephen. But I'll try it Lester's way. I'll give it another week, then we'll meet with him and see how it goes from there."

He sighed. "I should be happy that he didn't let you walk away."

"You just don't like seeing me hurt or pushed around. You never did."

Stephen nodded. "That's very true." He looked at Becker. "So what are we going to do?"

"We're going to take tonight and regroup and tomorrow we're going to start going over everything we know. Because maybe we'll find a clue somewhere that we've missed. Study Abby's habits."

"That sounds like a really good plan. There must be something that we aren't seeing. Because I know she wouldn't have left without some clue. I know she wants us to find her."

"We just have to figure out what that clue _is_ ," Becker said. "And damn it, we're going to figure it out. We have to get our Abby back."

Stephen squeezed his hand. "We will, Hil. You know we will. She's been away long enough and it's time we brought her back home where she belongs."

 

Their best efforts were for nothing, though, which was why a week later at eight in the morning found them in Lester's office.

Becker hadn't been looking forward to this meeting by any stretch of the imagination because he was going to have to tell Lester that he was taking a leave after all, and that was going to go over only slightly better than his attempt to resign.

Lester sighed when the two of them walked into his office, although he didn't let them see it. He couldn't believe the two of them were here and hadn't located Abby yet. He had all but told Becker where to go ... and yet here they were.

"Nothing, then?" It wasn't really a question.

"Nothing," Becker said quietly. "All we managed to come up with was that she'd have gone back to somewhere comfortable. If not the exact place, then somewhere similar. But we don't know _what_ that is or _where_."

Lester closed the desk drawer he had been looking into quietly and stared at them for a long moment. He wanted to call them every kind of idiot that he could manage, but he knew that it wouldn't do any good right now.

"She could be working as a vet somewhere or with a security team. Lord knows she picked up enough skills to do so in the last few years no matter what rules we have in place."

"I'm going to be going on leave, sir. The others can easily look into Abby's whereabouts, operating on that assumption," Becker said.

Lester did not roll his eyes. He was too good for that, but he wanted to. He had just pretty much told Captain Becker the answer to where Abby was and he still was clueless. Instead, he gave him a small nod.

"All right. I'll submit you for two weeks and then we can re-evaluate the situation if we need to."

"Two weeks will be fine." Because he couldn't stay away any longer than that. The ARC was his life, even more so without Abby. "I just need time to get my head on straight." Because he was no good to anybody in the shape he was in.

Lester nodded. "I'm not going to disagree with that assessment." He turned the key on the drawer. "Maybe the two weeks will help the both of you stop being sodding idiots. I have very clearly given you the answer and you still haven't figured it out. I'm expecting that the two weeks of working your brains completely on this will yield more satisfactory results."

"It will, sir," Becker said with a slight nod.

Lester looked at Stephen. "Is there anything you would like to add, Hart?"

"No," Stephen said with a quick shake of his head.

That was probably a good thing, judging from the way Lester was looking at both of them. "Go home. Call me when you have any news."

"Yes, sir." Becker stood and waited for Stephen before leaving the office.

Lester watched them leave and then shook his head. He hoped that they put the puzzle together before too much more time passed. It was getting more and more difficult to keep things under control with each day that passed.


	6. Chapter 6

She hadn't been feeling well for a few days and finally, yesterday she had called in sick to work. This morning when she had gotten up, she felt even sicker and now there was a pain in her abdomen. For most of the day she had sat on the sofa, drinking tea and trying to get comfortable.

By the time night fell, she was curled up on the sofa as pains were moving through her stomach and abdomen. She had spent most of the evening throwing up and now she was shaking from both weakness and fear. She had read enough about these type of pains to know what they meant.

Oh God.

She was in labor.

She shouldn't be, because she was only barely seven months pregnant. This was wrong. This was horribly wrong.

She bit down hard enough on her lip to draw blood as another pain knifed through her.

She was in trouble, but more importantly, her baby was in trouble.

A switch flipped in her mind as she reached for the phone next to the sofa. Her vision swam in and out as she dialed the number that would always be burned into her mind. When she was hurting and in danger, there were two people who immediately made her feel safe. Hopefully, she could get a hold of one of them.

She swallowed back nausea as another pain hit and prayed that he answered the phone. She didn't think that she could remember Stephen's number if Becker didn't answer.

"Please," she whimpered as the phone rang. "Please."

Her prayers were answered a moment later, when Becker reached the phone. "Hello?" he said, holding the phone between his head and his shoulder as he moved around the kitchen, getting dinner ready.

Abby managed to make her voice mostly steady, even as she closed her eyes from the pain. "Hilary."

"Abby?" There was no mistaking the shock in his voice, or the joy. "Where are you? How are you?"

She whimpered. "Hilary. Help. It's too soon."

"It's okay, Abby. It's okay. It's going to be fine. Just tell me where you are. Are you still in the same flat?"

"No." She managed to get out the address of the place she had been staying for the last few months. "Please. I need..." Her voice broke with a sharp cry of pain.

Becker broke away from the phone long enough to stick his head into the living room and yell, "Stephen! Get moving, Abby needs our help!" When he'd done that, he was back on the phone. "Okay, Abby, here's what we're going to do. I'm going to hang up now and then I'm going to call you back on my cell and you're going to stay on the line with me until Stephen and I get there, okay?"

"You and Stephen?" There was a question in her voice even as she was gasping from the effort of not screaming in his ear.

"Yes, love. Me and Stephen. He spends most of his nights with me now. Says he likes my flat better because it's got more memories of the three of us. I tend to agree with him." He was babbling and he knew it, but he couldn't help it.

"Good. You two. Worth..." She clenched her hand around the phone as she cried out again. "Hilary... it hurts. It's not supposed to hurt."

"Oh, God. Listen to me, Abby my girl. I'm going to hang up on you now but I don't want you to be scared. I'm going to call you back in just a second, okay?"

"It's too soon. Not due for a few more months," she gasped.

Shock had him dropping the phone and hanging up. Due? She was _pregnant_?

He fumbled his cell phone out of his pocket and bent down to pick up the other phone, checking it for Abby's number and tossing it aside to dial his cell phone.

It took Abby a few moments to answer the phone. "Hilary?" The fear and worry that it wasn't him on the other line was clear in her voice.

"It's me, Abby my girl," he said, trying to keep his voice calm and reassuring as he headed into the living room, meeting up with Stephen at the front door. He looked at the other man. "You drive. I need to stay on the line with her."

"Don't go!" There was panic in Abby's voice.

"I'm on my cell now, love. We're going to be there as soon as we can. The both of us. And then we'll get you and the baby to the hospital." There was a slight hitch in his voice on 'baby'.

Stephen just about walked into a wall when he heard Becker say that. He stared for a moment, and then swallowed, their pace quickening toward the door.

"Sorry. Sorry," Abby sobbed into the phone. "Had to."

"We know, Abby," Becker said as they left the flat and headed for one of their cars. "We know."

Abby slid from the sofa, knocking the table over with a loud crash. "Don't feel well, Hilary. Hurts so much. Sick."

"Stay with me, Abby! Damn it, stay with me!" Becker said, nearly yelling. "The baby _needs_ you to stay with me!"

There was silence for a few moments, but then Abby's wavering voice came back on the line. "I'm here."

"That's my girl," he said proudly as they got into the car. He took a moment to give Stephen the address before turning his attention back to Abby. "Okay, love, I want you to keep talking to me. I don't care what you talk about, just keep talking to me."

"Missed you," she finally said, gritting her teeth to keep from screaming again. "Thought you didn't want me."

"We wanted you, Abby. We never stopped wanting you."

"Fighting. Couldn't take it. Couldn't let the baby see it too."

"If we'd known about the baby, we wouldn't have fought around you."

"Didn't want you to fight at all." Abby whimpered. "Love you. Didn't want..." She gasped. "Didn't want you to just stay because of the baby."

"We wouldn't have been staying because of the baby," Becker said. "We'd have just been not fighting because of it. Do you know if it's a boy or a girl?"

"Girl." Abby choked back a yelp. "Girl. They think. Too soon. Only seven months."

"Guess what, Stephen? We have a daughter." There was no mistaking the pride in Becker's voice.

"Hilary..." Abby tried to do what he said, she really did. But that would be the sound of a crash and the phone falling to the floor.

"Abby? Abby! Damn it, Abby!" The pride was gone now, replaced by sheer, stark terror. "Stephen, drive faster, I think she's unconscious."

 

They reached the flat less than ten minutes later, thanks to copious amounts of breaking any and every speed limit they went through, and were inside the building within moments. It took them barely two minutes to break the door down, having had one of those silent conversations in the blink of an eye where they decided paying to replace a door would be a much easier consequence to swallow than picking the lock and wasting time.

The living room was in shambles. Two tables had been knocked over, as well as a chair. Laying over one of the tables, with the phone inches away from her hand, was Abby. She was obviously some months pregnant, and just as obviously not doing well at the moment. She was unconscious and as the men came to her side, they could see that she was paler than was normal for her.

"Call for help," Becker instructed Stephen, slipping into command mode unconsciously. "We can't risk taking her in the car."

"Your men or a regular hospital?" He was trying not to let his voice shake as he stared at their ill girlfriend.

"My men," Becker said, carefully picking Abby up to lay her down on the sofa. "She won't want a regular hospital. She'll be too scared."

Stephen nodded and put in a call to the military men attached to the ARC. As soon as he told them that they needed help for Abby, he was told they'd be there in fifteen minutes. They knew where she was.

"It seems like your men know where Abby lives," he said shaking his head. "We asked all of the wrong people."

"We'll have to ask her about that... later, when she's doing better." He swallowed. "And when our daughter's safe."

"She looks no more than seven months along," Stephen stated the obvious. "That means she was at the very least three months along when she left. So she knew she was pregnant with our child and she felt she had to walk out on us anyway."

"She hated the fighting. She didn't want us to stay because of the baby, she said."

"Oh god." Stephen's face went gray. "She thought we would only want to stay together because of our baby."

Becker nodded. "We... really didn't do a very good job of loving her."

"But she called us when she was in trouble and scared. That means that she still loves you and trusts you to fix it and keep her safe."

"She sounded happy that you were with me, though," Becker pointed out. "She seemed happy when I mentioned that you spend the night at my place most nights. Or as happy as she could manage, really."

"She and the baby are in trouble." Stephen said. "If it got so bad that Abby is unconscious..."

"I don't even want to think about it," Becker said from where he was kneeling by the sofa, one hand restlessly stroking Abby's hair. "She's going to make it. The baby's going to make it. You're going to get to be a father, Stephen."

"We both are," he said. He went to the other side of the sofa and took her hand. "She's so cold and pale, Becker. She looks so frail."

"She's not supposed to look like that," Becker said. "She's supposed to be strong and fierce and vibrant."

"But she doesn't. She looks like one wrong move could kill her."

"We have to be strong for her."

"I know, I just... We can't have done all that we did just to lose her."

"We won't. She'll make it, the baby will make it, and we'll beg her to take us back."

"She called us," Stephen repeated softly. "She was scared and in pain, and it was us she called." He swallowed. "That means she loves us and trusts us to take care of her." He had to hold on to that belief. "Because she could have called anyone, but she dialed your flat."

"Exactly," Becker said with a firm nod. "And she seemed to want us both here to help her."

"That's good. Because after the last four months, I'm not letting her out of our sight, Hilary. Not again."

"I'm not entirely sure how we're going to make the three of us work as a family, but goddamn it, we're going to do it," Becker said fiercely, glancing at his watch in desperation.

Before Stephen could say anything, four of Becker's men arrived with a stretcher. They pushed past Stephen and looked at Becker, waiting for him to move and fill them in on what had happened.

Becker didn't want to move, but he had to. He stood and moved aside, saying, "Seven months pregnant or so. Presumably early labor, going by what she said when she called me."

"Damn it, Maitland," one of the men muttered as they were getting her onto the stretcher. "You promised."

Stephen raised an eyebrow at that, but knew this wasn't the time to ask questions. He was damn sure going to find out later why Becker's men knew more about _their_ girl than he and Becker did.

"How long has she been like this?" one of the others asked as he took her vital signs.

"Fifteen minutes now, maybe twenty before that allowing for call time and getting here."

"Any idea how long she was in pain before she made the call to you?"

"No," Becker said with a terrified shake of his head.

The medic was looking Abby over and taking a careful inventory of her vital signs. "If she's this bad, she's had to be going through the pain and illness for at least twenty-four hours," he said, reaching for his phone. He dialed a number quickly. "We're bringing Abby Maitland in. Seven months pregnant. Premature labor. Unconscious and her blood pressure is dropping. Let Lester and Lewis know."

Becker reached out to grab Stephen's hand, squeezing tightly. "We've got good staff, Stephen. They'll take good care of her."

Stephen squeezed back, but he couldn't shake the fear he had at seeing Abby so quiet and still. It reminded him too much of when they had finally found her in the Pleistocene and didn't know if she was going to make it. Only, this time there was their baby involved, as well.

"She's a fighter," Becker said softly to Stephen. "She'll make it. She'll make it and the baby will make it and we'll be a family."

Stephen knew that he should be saying something -- anything -- to comfort Becker, as well, but every time he tried to speak, the words stuck in his throat. He looked at him for a long moment, hoping that his eyes at least let the other man know that he loved him and that he was there for him, too.

As much as they'd fought about whether Becker had to be the one to solve everything, the simple fact was that command and control came naturally to him, and so did taking charge now. "She has to make it," he said, trying for a grin. "We can't propose if she doesn't."

His laugh was small, but it was a real laugh and not forced. "That would ruin the whole romantic cavemen aspect of claiming her as ours forever."

"It would, and you'd be stuck with just me for the rest of your life -- because don't you dare think you get out of this if she dies." It wasn't at all funny, but sometimes you had to make really shitty jokes or you'd fall apart even more than you already had.

"I wouldn't want to get out of anything with you," he said solemnly.

"Good, 'cause you're in this for good." And that was when his men moved and they had to follow them.

Stephen nodded and he immediately headed for the driver's side of his car.

"Captain Becker? Do you want to ride with her, sir?"

Stephen looked at Becker. "Go. I'll follow you."

Becker smiled gratefully at Stephen before heading over to the ambulance.

He watched Becker get into the ambulance and saw him settle down to take Abby's hand in his, and he smiled faintly. She had to pull through this. She just had to.

He started up his truck and pulled out behind the ambulance.

In the ambulance, Becker was trying not to cling to Abby's hand. "Come on, love," he whispered. "You have to stay with us. You have to see how we're doing, after all."

The medic paused only slightly as he hooked up the IV, but it was enough of a pause that his commanding officer would notice it.

And Becker did. "What?"

"Don't ask me that unless you want me to answer, sir," the medic said with an even tone of respect.

"Wouldn't have asked it if I didn't," Becker replied.

He cleared his throat. "Why, sir? If you love her so much, why has she been living there alone for the past four months? We all have seen how you two looked at each other, and then all of a sudden, she left the ARC, and you're walking around like a creature with a thorn in his paw."

"Because the two of us are in a relationship with someone and that other person and I couldn't pull our heads out of our asses and realize what was important."

"And now?" The medic asked. "Because, sir, I have to warn you, she and the little one have become like our mascots and there are some of the boys who might have some words about it." He frowned, looking at Abby. "As soon as they get done expressing their displeasure at her breaking a promise to us."

"Stephen and I are committed to each other," Becker said, subtly showing his ring. "And we plan on committing to her, if she'll still have us."

The medic didn't bat an eye. "About god damn time. She's been... she's missed you."

"We've missed her, too."

He nodded, finishing setting up the IV. "Good. Maybe you'll give her a reason to smile again."

"We're going to be a family, if she'll have us."

"She'll have you," he said quietly. "You two were damn fools not to realize what a wonder she was for you, but she'll have you."

"Our problem was not realizing that she loved both of us equally, and that equally meant with every single fiber of her being." He looked down at Abby. "We know it now, Abby my girl. I promise."

The ambulance pulled up to the military hospital and the back doors slammed open.

"Captain Becker, you have to let us take her now," the medic said apologetically as they climbed out of the ambulance and two men took a hold of the stretcher Abby was on.

Becker nodded slightly and squeezed Abby's hand one final time before letting go.

Stephen came up to him and stood as they watched Abby being wheeled back to wherever the doctors were to work on her. He grabbed Becker's shoulder and directed the younger man to follow the soldier who was leading them through another set of doors. Once in the stark waiting room, Stephen gently pushed him to sit down.

It was nice to not be the one taking care of someone for once, Becker noted distractedly as he took a seat. Not that he wanted any of this to be happening, but it was nice that Stephen was the one taking charge. Some other distant part of his mind was pretty sure his disorganization meant he was probably going into shock.

Stephen didn't mind being the one taking charge and taking care of Becker for a change. The other man had done his best to keep them both going for the last few months, and now he needed him to do the same thing for him. For once, Stephen was able to keep his emotions in check, even when he saw Lester and the rest of the team from the ARC enter the room.

Connor and the others went to sit, but Nick came over to him. He looked at Becker with a sad smile and then he looked at Stephen. "How is she?"

"Unconscious," Stephen said, holding Becker's hand and not much caring for anybody's reactions at the moment. The touch made them both feel a little less frightened. "She's also..."

"She's seven months pregnant," Becker said, looking down at the floor. "Our baby."

"Pregnant?" Danny burst out. "Did you know she was pregnant when she quit the ARC, Lester?"

Lester raised an eyebrow at Danny and then turned back to where Nick was standing.

"What happened?" Nick asked quietly. They all knew that Abby had disappeared, but no one had known where she had gone to. "How did you find her?"

"She called me," Becker said, still staring at the floor and quietly falling apart. "She went into labor and called me."

Nick reached out and squeezed Becker's shoulder gently. Sarah started to say something, but Nick shook his head. Neither Stephen or Becker could take any of the team chewing them out right now. They could do that later when everyone was back where they belonged.

Becker toyed with his ring, idly turning it on his finger. "It's our fault. We know. That she left, I mean. We fought over her so damn much and it drove her away."

He'd pretty much officially come unglued just then.

"Was she unconscious when you found her?" Nick asked both of them in a gentle voice. "Or did that happen after you got to her?"

"When we found her," Stephen said. "She lost consciousness while talking to Becker on the phone."

Nick nodded. "I didn't know where she was or else I would have done something," he said quietly. "I knew she was pregnant when she left, but she flat out told me that this was something the three of you had to work out by yourselves."

"We would've worked it out sooner if we'd known," Becker said, finally looking up at Nick. "She shouldn't have been alone while she was pregnant."

"I didn't know that she hadn't told you. I was under the impression that the two of you knew, and that there was something else that caused her to leave."

"She left because those two idiots pushed her away," Lester said quietly after he came back from the admissions desk. "I got her another job and set her up in the flat so that she wouldn't try and do something foolish." He handed Stephen the papers from the desk. "You two need to sign these since she lists you both as her next of kin."

Stephen signed quickly and passed them to Becker, who signed them and handed them back all without losing his shocked, numb expression.

Lester took the forms back and looked at both of them. "I meant what I told you that day in my office," he said. "Don't forget that I will do it if I feel I have to." He then turned and went back to the admissions desk before anyone could respond to him.

Becker leaned against Stephen, falling apart and helpless to stop it. "She has to be all right," he said, still turning his ring aimlessly on his finger, something he hadn't stopped doing since arrival except to sign the papers a moment ago. That ring was all that was keeping him from being a completely weepy mess.

"She'll pull through this, Becker," Nick said softly. "Abby is tough and she's been through a lot. She won't let something like this beat her. Especially now. She won't let something take her away from either one of you."

"She took herself away from us," Becker said, trying to pull himself together and not at all managing. "She left us."

The fact that he understood why hadn't made it hurt any less.

"And you know why she did it," Nick said firmly. "However, that was _her_ choice. That's something she did. She's not going to let anyone make that choice for her. She's not going to let anyone else make the decision to take her away from you."

Becker nodded slowly. "Guess you're right," he said. "Because leaving us the way she did is one thing. Leaving us any other way is entirely unacceptable to her. Besides, she loves life too much to leave it before she's old."

"Exactly." Nick nodded. He looked from Stephen to Becker. "You haven't given up on finding her before this. Don't give up on her now."

"It's just mildly terrifying... all right, more than mildly... to know that something's wrong with our girlfriend and our child." Because never mind that it was early labor, something had to be wrong for it to _be_ early labor, didn't it?

"You have every right to be terrified," Nick agreed. "But you have to believe that they'll find out what went wrong and that she and the baby will make it out of this safely."

"You're right," Becker said, nodding. "You're right. I just... I hope we find out something soon. I don't think I can take too long a wait on this."

"You need to try to be as calm as possible," Nick advised. "I understand it's difficult, but you need to try."

"I am," Becker replied. "I'm trying. I just can't stop worrying."

Nick looked up as Danny came over. For once in the past few months, Danny didn't look like he was trying to start a fight.

"The two of you just concentrate on the fact that you called you when she was in need." He said in what passed as a soothing tone for Quinn. "Let the rest of us do the heavy worrying for you. You'll need all of your wits about you."

"You being comforting? Okay, you're officially a pod person, aren't you?" Becker asked. But he was actually, legitimately smiling as he said it, even if the smile was somewhat shaky.

Danny shrugged. "She called _you_ when she was in trouble. That says a lot. She could have called any one of us, but she chose to call you."

Stephen gave Becker a comforting smile. "Hopefully they'll be able to take care of whatever's wrong quickly and we'll hear something soon."

That would be when a surgeon came through the double doors and approached the group. "Are you all here for Miss Abby Maitland?"

Lester stepped forward, giving the surgeon his best bored look. "We are. How is Miss Maitland, doctor?"

The surgeon sighed. "We've managed to stabilize her, but we had to deliver the baby. So far the little girl seems to be doing as well as possible for being two months premature."

Becker nearly collapsed against Stephen in relief. "Can we see Abby?" he asked hopefully.

The surgeon gave him a solemn look. "Miss Maitland hasn't regained consciousness since she came in."

"Are there any signs as to when she might?" Stephen asked.

The surgeon shook his head. "No, but we're optimistic that she will regain consciousness. Whomever found her after she collapsed found her in time. If another hour had passed, there is a chance that we would have lost her." He looked at Stephen, since he was the one that asked. "There was an infection and it was poisoning her system. The infection caused the early labor."

"See?" Stephen whispered to Becker. "You saved her. That was _your_ doing."

Another doctor came out, holding a clipboard with some paperwork. "We need some information so we can file the paperwork on the child. What is the baby girl to be called?"

"Leslee Tanith Becker-Hart." That was Lester's voice. "Miss Maitland gave me a copy of her instructions in case something happened where she or the fathers weren't able to answer questions." Lester gave both of the men in question a look that said they didn't _dare_ question what Abby had wished to be the name of their daughter. "I have the certified living will if you need to verify this information."

And no, they didn't dare. They didn't dare in the least.

"Our little girl's got a beautiful name," Stephen said softly to Becker, talking him back to normal. "Doesn't she?"

Becker just nodded.

"And which of you gentlemen is the father?"

This was something Becker _could_ handle. "He is," he replied, pointing to Stephen without even having to think about it.

The second doctor looked at Stephen. "And your name is?"

"Stephen Hart."

The doctor nodded and filled out the paperwork, then handed the clipboard to Stephen. "You need to sign on the line that says Father."

Stephen nodded and took the clipboard, taking a second to make sure his hand wasn't shaking as he signed.

"Would you like to see your daughter, Mr. Hart?"

Stephen was torn; he wanted to see her, but not without Becker.

"Go, love." Becker said quietly. "I want to wait here to get more information about Abby's condition."

Stephen stood. "In that case, I would love to see my daughter."

"Come with me, Mr. Hart. She's in the extra care ward. We need to make sure she's safe from catching any kind of cold or infection she's so tiny and her organs aren't all fully formed yet."

"Aside from being early, she seems fine though, right?" He needed to hear it again.

"She seems fine, just very small and not safe to leave the ward until her organs form fully and we see that she can handle getting the regular injections to defend against illness and infection that usually attacks babies."

"When will I be able to hold her?"

"They'll put a gown and gloves on you, as well as a mask, but after that, they'll let you hold her."

Stephen didn't care what they did to him, as long as he got to hold her.

True the doctor's word, Stephen was put in gown, gloves, mask and hat, and then they lifted his tiny daughter to place in his arms. Said daughter had a head of dark hair and when she opened hers, they were a shockingly bright blue color.

"Hi, sweetheart," he whispered. "Hi, little one. I'm your daddy. You've got another one, but Daddy Hilary's out in the waiting room. I'll make sure they let him in to see you as soon as possible."


	7. Chapter 7

While Stephen was meeting their daughter, the surgeon led Becker into the room where Abby was. She was pale and looked so fragile as she lay there. There were IVs in her arm and an oxygen mask over her nose. The fact that it was guaranteeing she could breathe might have been a little frightening.

The surgeon directed Becker to a chair next to head of the bed. He gave Becker a small smile. "The red button is the emergency call button. If anything goes wrong, you press that and we'll be here." He nodded and then left to give Becker some privacy.

Becker sat and looked at Abby. It was terrifying how small and delicate she looked, and not in any of the ways he liked. "You've got to wake up, love," he said. "Because I've got so much to tell you. You'd be so proud of Stephen and me, I promise."

The only response to that was the sounds of the machines that were monitoring the woman on the bed.

He reached out to take her hand in his. "We need you, Abby. God, we need you. It's just not _right_ around the flat without you. Though I suppose we'll need a bigger place now, with the three of us and the baby."

A nurse came in to put something into the IV and she gave Becker a sympathetic look. "Are you the husband?"

Becker gave a quick shake of his head. "Just the boyfriend."

The nurse looked like she wanted to say something more. Finally she looked between Abby and Becker, and the way that he was holding her hand. "Did the doctor tell you what happened?"

"Something about an infection," Becker said. "How if I'd found her an hour later, she probably would've been dead."

The nurse muttered something about men not giving the full details. "Her appendix ruptured, sweetie. It probably started to let go some time last night."

"That explains why she seemed so sick and miserable when she called me," he said. "Because it wasn't just early labor."

"No, it wasn't. Her appendix ruptured and she was probably in severe pain and vomiting. That with the poisons from the appendix caused the early labor to start." She gave him a small smile. "She probably never even realized that something was wrong until then."

"And as soon as she realized something was wrong, she called me." He was still clinging to that, would be clinging to it until Abby was awake and talking to him again.

"That's good. It probably saved her life when she called you."

"Her and the baby both." It was still surreal to think that he was a father now.

"Sir, there is something you should know..."

He looked at the nurse. "What's that?"

"Miss Maitland may not be able to have any more children. We don't know for sure until she wakes up, but there is that possibility."

"She's alive," Becker said after a moment to process that. "That's the important part."

"It's good that you feel that way. Some boyfriends would be out of here faster than anything."

"I'd _like_ to have more kids, but if we can't..." He shrugged. "Then we can't. I don't care and Stephen won't, either."

"You love her a great deal."

"I do," he said with a nod. "We both do."

"Then the lot of you will be fine."

"I certainly hope so." Becker looked back to Abby. "She's an amazing woman."

The nurse finished checking all of Abby's connections and then patted Becker's arm."I'll leave you alone with your girl."

"I just hope she still _wants_ to be my girl," he said, quirking a sad smile.

"She called you when she was scared and in pain," the nurse said firmly before leaving the room.

Becker thought about that as he sat there, holding Abby's hand. The nurse did have a point. Abby could have called anybody, but she'd called him. She'd wanted him to help her. And she'd wanted him and Stephen both there.

Yes, Abby still wanted to be his girl. Or at the very least, still cared deeply for him.

It was about three hours later when Abby suddenly gasped and all of the monitors started beeping. She opened her eyes and then closed them again when she didn't recognize where she was.

"Becker?!" She whimpered. "Stephen?"

Becker hadn't left the room in the three hours that had passed. "I'm right here," he said, squeezing her hand. "I think Stephen's still having daddy-daughter bonding time with Leslee, because I haven't seen him since he went to go visit her."

She turned her head to him and opened her eyes again. "The baby? She's all right?"

"She's fine," Becker assured her. "Nothing wrong besides the stuff that comes along with being pretty much two months early."

"What happened?" She asked. "I don't remember much." With her free hand she tried to remove the oxygen mask from her face completely. "Where are we?"

"Hey, careful," he said, leaning over to tug the mask aside for her but still have it near in case she needed it. "Your appendix burst. You had an infection. It caused you to go into labor, and they had to deliver the baby. We're in the hospital."

"I remember a lot of pain and being sick," she whispered. "I thought it was just the flu or something, but then it starting getting worse. When I realized I was in labor, I was so scared for her."

"You called me," he said, still holding her hand. "You were hurt and in pain and you called me." He couldn't help still sounding a little stunned at that.

"I was in trouble," she said with a sheepish look. "Even with everything that has happened, my mind knew that you would get to me when I couldn't help myself."

"We owe your landlord a new front door for your flat, by the way," Becker said with a laugh. "Had to break it down to get to you."

"I'm sure Lester will be sure to tell you how much it costs," she said, giving him a look full of sadness. She wasn't sure how he or Stephen felt about her now -- especially after so many months and not telling them about Leslee.

"I'll talk to him about it later." He looked down at their hands for a moment, only then realizing that he was holding hers with the hand that had his ring on it. Well, crap.

She misinterpreted the reason he was looking down and not at her. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

"I wish you had, yeah, but I understand why you didn't. It wasn't a good environment for a baby. But we wouldn't have fought around you or Leslee. We'd have died before we let that happen."

"I didn't want you to fight at all, Hilary," Abby said softly, her voice sad. "But it wasn't completely your fault. Yours or Stephen's. I loved you both so much that I just wanted the three of us to be together and be happy. You guys only said yes so that you could have me, and that wasn't a fair situation for me to expect of either of you."

"That was never the entire reason, for either of us," he said. "I mean, at first we said yes so we could be with you because having to be with each other was a completely acceptable price to pay... and then it stopped being a price to pay and started being us rediscovering the stuff we'd loved about each other. But it took a long time for the fighting to go away, because we didn't know how to handle any of it and we were still afraid of losing you."

"It felt like you didn't love me any longer," she admitted. "Watching the two of you fight was tearing me apart and it began to feel like I was taking second place to the animosity between you. It felt less like I was important and more like I was the weapon you were both wielding on each other."

"I never meant to make you feel like that," he said quietly. "I just... it scared me to be sharing you with the man who'd left me in the middle of the night and never looked back."

"I don't love him more than you, Hilary," she said gently, trying to get him to understand. "And I don't love you more than him. I would never choose one of you over the other. I know he hurt you badly, but he's a different man now than he was back then." She squeezed his hand. "If I didn't believe that, do you think I would have let him anywhere near you?"

"You'd have kicked his arse and told him to take a hike." Becker smiled slightly. "I said he's Leslee's father, by the way. So it's on record, whether he is or not."

"You're both her fathers," Abby said firmly.

"I know that. I'm just saying, I told them he was the biological father. So he's on the birth certificate." Becker smiled slightly. "He'd already done something to show me how much I mean to him, I figured it was time I did something to show him how much he means to me."

"I'm glad you worked everything out between you and are happy," she whispered. "It was worth whatever I had to go through as long as you're happy now."

"We're not as happy as we could be, though. Because something's missing."

"He's right on that, Abby," Stephen said quietly. He had been watching and listening to the exchange from outside the door. He put his hand on Becker's shoulder and squeezed it gently. "You're missing in that equation."

Becker brought his free hand up to cover Stephen's, never taking his gaze away from Abby.

"I didn't think that you wanted me any longer," she said, looking from one to the other. "I thought if I wasn't in the way, you two would find your way back to each other."

"We did. But the failure in your logic is thinking that we _only_ want to be with each other. We don't. Yes, the past four months have had some great moments for him and me, but we want to be able to share all our moments with you."

"I didn't want to leave. It tore my heart out to do so, but I didn't feel like I had any choice. It hurt so much to watch you guys fight and hurt. When you're hurting each other, there's nothing I can do to make it right. Then when I found out about Leslee..." She swallowed. "I couldn't put her through what I went through growing up. I couldn't. So I left. I tried handing in my resignation to Lester, but he said we would consider it a leave of absence."

"We're sorry," Becker said, his voice breaking. "We're _sorry_. Please, Abby. Please come home."

Her eyes widened as she looked at them both in silence for a long moment.

"You mean, you still want me?"

"Of course we still want you," Becker said, his voice shaking. "We never stopped."

"Abby, I'm sorry that I made you feel that you weren't wanted or important. You are. You're one of the most important people in my life." Stephen looked at her, trying to keep his own voice steady. "We need you. We're not whole or happy without you."

"We want to be what you wanted us to be," Becker said, tears in his eyes now. He didn't bother to wipe them away. "We want it to be the three of us together. We want to be a _family_."

And part of him wondered if this was when they should propose. He'd been carrying the ring around ever since they'd gotten it.

"A family," she whispered, looking at them. "You're not angry at me about keeping Leslee a secret from you both?"

"Sad that it happened, yes," Becker said. "Angry at you for it, no."

"We're not letting you go, Abby," Stephen explained, stepping forward. "And no, it's not because of Leslee. We wanted you to come home even before we knew about her, and having her now just adds to our family. We're yours, love. We'll always be yours. Just give us another chance to show you how much we love you and how much you mean to us. We won't hurt you again."

Becker turned his head slightly to catch Stephen's eye. "Should we?" he asked softly, tapping Stephen's ring with a finger.

Stephen nodded. "We'll never get a better chance than this and it's not like she can run away from us right now."

Abby frowned, looking back and forth between them.

"What are the two of you talking about?"

Becker pulled his hand from Abby's before reaching into his jacket pocket and pulling out the ring box. "We know we've fouled things up pretty fiercely, but we also know that you still love us despite that. And we know that we've spent the past four months absolutely miserable without you. We don't ever want you to feel like we don't want you, that we don't love you, that we don't treasure you."

He smiled shyly as he opened the box, displaying a ring that looked like a much more feminine version of the rings that he and Stephen wore. "We want you to be ours forever."

Abby brought her other hand to her mouth and her eyes filled with tears as she stared at the ring for a long time. She finally lifted her eyes from the ring to look at the two men at her bedside.

"You bought me a ring..."

"We did," Becker said with a nod.

"Becker wanted it to just be for you," Stephen said with a faint smile, his hand still on Becker's shoulder. "But I was pretty determined to stake my claim on _him_ , too."

Abby's lips trembled as she looked at the men. They were more relaxed than she had seen them be in a long time. They were easy and affectionate with each other and it made her heart fill with love for them all over again. When she noticed that they were both wearing rings that matched the one they were now offering to her, she felt the tears sliding down her cheeks.

"All three of us? Forever?"

"Yes and yes," Becker said. "I'm not gonna lie, we still have our bad days. But we've hit the whole 'apologizing with really great sex and everything really is all right' stage." He couldn't help smirking up at Stephen at that. "I think he provokes me sometimes. Just a little."

That made Abby laugh softly, and she only winced a little bit at the aches in her body that were annoyed by that. "If you growl and shove him around after he does that, I can understand completely why he might provoke you."

"Oh, Jesus, that growl," Stephen said. "He never did that the first time we were together."

Abby looked pleased with herself. "He started doing it after he was upset with me about something and I pounced on him because of how he sounded when he was growling."

"On behalf of my sex life the past couple months, can I just thank you for that?"

Abby bit her lip, not exactly sure how she was supposed to respond to that. She finally gave a small smile to both of them. "You're welcome?"

Becker, for his part, was just sitting there with the ring box and looking at the two of them like they'd lost their minds.

"No more wanting me to choose," Abby whispered. "No more thinking that I want one of you over the other?"

"No more," Stephen said solemnly. "No more using you to hurt each other."

Abby looked at both of them for several long moments and then she nodded.

"Yes."

Becker took the ring and placed it on Abby's hand. "Beautiful," he said softly. "Just beautiful."

Tears were slipping down Abby's face. "It really is. I don't think I've ever seen a ring this beautiful."

"You can thank Jenny," Becker said. "She's the one who noticed it when we were trying to find a ring that worked for you."

"You were able to get Jenny to help you?" They really had wanted to get her back badly if they swallowed their pride and asked Jenny.

"Yeah." Becker nodded. "She didn't make it easy on us, though."

"She made it easier on him," Stephen said. "I had to pretty much flat out beg."

"Sarah might have been easier on you," she murmured. "Jenny... Jenny is really the more protective of me."

"That's part of why we chose her," Stephen said. "We figured that if we could get _her_ to help us, then maybe it'd speak better of us."

"My guys are definitely smart," Abby said with a small smile.

"Of course we are," Stephen said, his hand drifting from Becker's shoulder to gently comb through the man's hair. It was one of the things he'd never forgotten, the way Becker had a thing for his hair being messed with.

She kept looking from the guys to the ring that was now on her finger.

"Did we make a good choice?" Becker asked. "Jenny said this was something you would like."

She nodded. "It's perfect," she whispered. "Nothing flashy and I can wear it to work." She looked at them. "You knew I wouldn't need large flashy stones."

"That's what the wedding ring's for," Becker joked. "If we ever find a way to actually marry you, that is."

Abby blushed and then smiled. "I don't need that. This is more than enough. This tells me what I need to know."

"And what's that?" Stephen asked. They all knew it, but he and Becker needed to hear her say it.

"That you love me. That I'm wanted. That I belong." She swallowed. "That I'm yours -- both of yours. And that you're both mine."

"We're yours and each other's," Stephen said. "It's the three of us. There's no two and one in any combination, there's just three."

"Oh thank God," Abby whispered.

"I love you, Abby," Stephen said. "And I love Becker just as much. I know I didn't go about any of this in the best way possible, and I hope you both can forgive that. I just... knew what I wanted and didn't think I'd get any other chance to let you know, Abby."

Abby reached a hand towards him. "But you know that you love us both... and that I love you and Becker loves you?"

"I do," Stephen said, reaching out to take her hand. "I've known Becker loves me for months now."

"I'm really glad that you two got things figured out between you."

"It didn't take that long, either," Becker said, looking at Stephen for a moment and smiling.

Abby gave them both an expectant look.

"When we read the letter you left, we were terrified," Becker said. "We realized what we'd lost. We kind of... clung to each other for the first few days. Like we were afraid of losing each other, too."

"I wondered how long it would take you to talk without me there in the middle."

"Pretty much as soon as we'd both read the letter," Becker admitted. "But you weren't in the middle, Abby."

"I felt like I was in the way, Hilary."

"I know you did, but... you weren't."

"It helps a lot to know that," she said, nodding. "It really does."

"It was just so hard for me to trust him again, because I remembered the way he'd hurt me. And I didn't want him to have the chance to do that to you. But I wasn't strong enough to keep him away, so... I think there was a good bit of self-loathing in there for a while."

"I'm sorry that I put both of you guys in that situation." Abby's own voice was full of self-loathing. "I just knew that you both loved me and I loved you. I knew there was love between the two of you, too. I thought that if we were together, it would make everything better for the two of you."

"Oh, Abby my girl..." Becker said softly. "You were trying to help us. How could we fault you for that? The execution of it might not have been ideal, but you were just trying to help."

"He's right, Abs," Stephen agreed. "We're not upset with you for anything. We're just sad and ashamed we hurt you so much that you didn't see any other option but to leave us."

Becker nodded in agreement.

"I want to come home."

Becker's eyes lit up at that. "Oh, thank you. Just... thank you."

Abby looked confused. "For what?"

"For wanting to come home."

"It should be me saying thank you that you want me to come home." Abby's voice was shy as she played with the ring.

"Why wouldn't we want you to come home? We love you."

"I hurt you, both of you. Badly."

"You didn't do it with the intention of hurting us," Becker said. "Yes, you hurt us, but you didn't _mean_ to."

Abby sniffled. "I hated doing it. I hated doing it and I had to stop myself from coming back so many times."

"Ssh, love, it's okay," Stephen soothed. "It all worked out for us."

"So, we can come home?" Yes, boys. She needed to hear it again.

Well, that was fortunate, because they needed to say it again.

"Yes," Becker said, squeezing Abby's hand gently. "You can come home. You and our daughter both."

"Come home, please, love," Stephen said. Then he gave her a faint smile. "And we're going to take a proper photo with you between us where you belong."

"Because sometimes it's all right for you to be in front of us," Becker said. "But right now is one of the times we need you between us, sheltered and safe."

Abby smiled and there were a different kind of tears in her eyes. "I get a little protective of you guys sometimes. But sometimes, it's nice to feel like you're the one protected."

"We'll always protect you," Becker said. "But we'll... we'll work on letting you protect us sometimes."

"I think that's a compromise that we can live with."

"Good." Becker smiled before hesitating. He wanted to be the one to tell Abby and Stephen what the nurse had said, about her possibly not being able to have more children, but he didn't know if this was the right time.

He couldn't hide anything from Abby. "What's wrong?"

"They told me something about your condition... how because of everything, they weren't sure if..." He trailed off, swallowed, continued. "They weren't sure if you would be able to have more children or not. The nurse said they wouldn't know until after you woke up."

"Oh." She swallowed hard, looking down at her lap and picking at the blanket. "So, there's a chance that all we'll ever be able to have is Leslee..."

"I'm fine with it," Becker said. "You two are healthy and that's what matters."

"I'm fine with it, too," was Stephen's response. "I mean, yes. I won't lie. I'd _like_ to have more children. I'd like us to have the chance of a child that's biologically Hilary's, because Leslee just _so_ has my eyes. But if she's all we have, then she's all we have."

"I have blue eyes, too," and there was a hint of a warning in Abby's voice. "I'd like to have more children some day. But if Leslee is all I can have, I can be all right with that."

"They're ridiculously vibrant," he explained. "That's why I think she's mine. And I'd like him to be biological father to one of our kids because I just think it'd be a nice balance, is all." He grinned. "Besides, then I'd have two kids to spoil utterly rotten."

"You're sure that you both... if I can't..." Abby was feeling suddenly vulnerable and scared again. Neither were feelings she liked.

"We're positive," Becker assured her.

She nodded, a lot of tension leaving her as she let out a breath. "All right, then."

"She's beautiful, by the way," Stephen said. "Absolutely beautiful."

"She has beautiful fathers."

"Her mother's more beautiful, though." Becker grinned. "Wonder when they'll let me see Leslee."

"You could probably ask the doctor now?" Abby suggested. "I don't know if they'll bring her up here because of her being so early and susceptible to viruses."

"I'm not the father -- to them, so stop making the snarly face -- so I'm not sure they would."

Abby snarled anyway as she rang for the nurse. When a nurse hurried in, Abby looked at her. "Captain Becker would like to see our daughter. Would you arrange for it, please?"

The nurse was smiling at Abby. "Of course. It's good to see you awake. Your young friends were wearing holes in my floor."

"We probably would've if we'd been pacing much longer," Becker admitted with a sheepish smile.

Abby smiled at the nurse. "They tend to worry too much when it comes to me."

"You're our girl," Stephen said. "We're supposed to worry. It's in the job description."

The nurses grinned. "Honey, there are very few girls who get worried over like they're supposed to. You just lay back and let these boys fuss."

"I'm fussing, this one's going to go see his daughter," Stephen said, giving Becker a gentle nudge.

The nurse grinned. "Come with me, Captain, and I'll take you to see your daughter."

Becker couldn't help looking a little stunned as he followed the nurse.

When they were gone, Abby looked at Stephen. "You guys are really all right together?"

"We are," Stephen said with a nod.

She gave him a level look. "How much did you hate me for walking out on you first? I know how volatile you can be, love."

"I didn't hate you," Stephen said quietly. "I just... really understood how Becker felt when I left him."

"Does he know you split because of Helen?"

"Yeah," Stephen said with a nod. "I finally told him."

"That's good. He needed to know." She eyed him. "Do you understand _why_ I left?"

"Yeah." Stephen looked down at his hands. "I do."

"I hated leaving, Stephen, and I broke a promise I made to Hilary in doing so -- one that I don't know if he'll ever be able to forgive me for," she said quietly. "But the two of you love each other so much and you were hurting. I thought that maybe if I wasn't in the way the two of you could get things worked out and be happy again."

"And we _are_ happy," Stephen said. "But we were never as happy as we could have been, because every milestone we hit was darkened a little by your not being there to see it."

"As much as I love you guys so much, and as much as kills me to be away from you... I don't want to be in the way of what the two of you have or can have."

"Don't say that to Becker. He's going to think it means you don't want to come home."

She looked miserable. "That's not what I feel at all. Each day I've been away from you both it's felt like I couldn't breathe."

He reached out to take her hand. "So what does it mean, then?" he asked gently.

"I want you both. I love you both and I want to come home. But if the two of you would rather I didn't..." She swallowed painfully.

"Abby, sweetheart, we already said we want you and Leslee to come home."

"I know you did, but I'm scared, too," she admitted quietly. "I don't like saying that I'm afraid of anything, you know that, but this time, I'm really scared."

He squeezed her hand gently. "We're scared, too."

She blinked, then squeezed back. "You are?"

"Of course we are."

"You have to promise me something, Stephen. If you ever decide... that you're not happy, you have to tell me."

"That won't happen. I won't be unhappy."

"And if anything happens to me, you'll take care of Becker as well as Leslee."

"Now _that_ I can safely promise." He looked at her seriously. "If anything ever happens to you, I will spend the rest of my life taking care of them."

She nodded, a sigh of relief escaping her. "Good. When do you think they'll let me come home?"

"I don't know. You want me to go out there and ask?"

"Yes. I want to be home, snuggling with the two men I love more than life."

Stephen nodded slightly and stood, going in search of one of the doctors.


	8. Chapter 8

When she was alone, Abby sank back into the pillows and closed her eyes. The closed eyes didn't stop the tears that were determined to break free, though. It was over. The months of hurt and loneliness were over and she was finally going back home where she belonged. Her guys didn't hate her and they weren't angry with her for leaving -- or for keeping their baby a secret from them. It was more than she deserved, but she was going to hold onto this for all that she was worth. She didn't know how to explain it to the guys, but being away from Becker and Stephen had made her feel like she had been gutted and that pieces of her were missing.

Stephen managed to find one of Abby's doctors quickly. "She's already wanting to know when she can go home."

The doctor shook his head. "Not for a couple of more days. She may feel she's ready to go home, but that's from the pain killers. When they wear off, she is going to be in a great deal of pain. She needs to stay here so we can make sure that there was no internal damage done from the toxins that were released after her appendix ruptured."

"No, no, of course," Stephen agreed. "She just wanted to know, is all. And trust me, arguing with her when she wants to know something? Not a good idea." He smiled faintly.

"Mr. Hart, I don't think that Miss Maitland realizes that she almost died today. Even after we were able to safely deliver your child, there was still no guarantee that Miss Maitland was going to survive." The doctor gave him a sympathetic look. "She's not safe from the threat of infection yet."

Stephen went pale at that. "I... hadn't realized we'd come so close to losing her after all."

"I was going to tell both you and Captain Becker after I spoke with Sir James," the doctor said gently. "If you and Captain Becker hadn't found her when you did, she would have gone into a coma and possibly later died. When she arrived here, she was in labor and was suffering from the toxins that had built up in her appendix. We would have been able to save the child if she had gone into a coma, but we may not have been able to save Miss Maitland."

Stephen was still pale. "Is there any chance you can let me tell Captain Becker this?" he asked. "It's something he needs to hear from someone who loves him."

The doctor nodded. "I can do that. It doesn't hurt anything for him to find out from you."

"I'll tell him when he's done visiting with Leslee. Let the poor guy have his time with his daughter before I drop that one on him."

"Leslee is a miracle, such a sweet little baby," the doctor said fondly. "I'm glad that we were able to help her and if everything continues well, she'll be quite the healthy one."

"She's amazing," Stephen said, already thoroughly besotted. "I didn't want to put her down."

The doctor smiled. "Fathers are like that."

"Yeah, we kinda are."

"Well, I need to go apprise Sir James of our patient's condition. He and Ms. Lewis have been very adamant in the care Miss Maitland receives being better than the best."

Stephen laughed a little. "Yeah, that sounds like something Lester would do. I'd listen before Becker's sister gets in on the party, then you'll have three people annoying the living hell out of you guys."

The doctor looked like he would rather not have to deal with any more people questioning him. "I'll let them know that she'll be here for a few more days, and then when she goes home she will be on bed rest for a little while."

"Damn right she will be. Even if she won't want to be." Because it was Abby. She'd try and push herself.

"She can't return to her work, whether at the zoo or with the people with Sir James, for at least a month."

"We'll make sure she stays calm and relaxed."

"Good, because that's what she needs for her body to heal." His eyes twinkled. "I daresay that you'll have your hands full trying to get a woman used to always being active to stay down and rest."

Stephen laughed. "We'll manage. Somehow."

"Good. Good. You should get back to your young lady while I go talk to the ones in charge."

Stephen nodded slightly and made his way back to Abby's room.

Abby had almost fallen asleep in the short time he had been gone, but when she saw him, she smiled and tried to sit up more. "Can I go home?"

"Unfortunately, no," he said. "You have to stay another couple days."

She frowned. "Why? I'm feeling better than I have in days."

"That would be the painkillers talking," he said gently.

"But I'm fine," she said stubbornly.

"No, you're not." He was trying to keep the worry off his face and wasn't sure how well he was managing. "You're hurt worse than you think you are, love."

Abby frowned again. "But love, I really do feel fine. If they'd unhook me, I could even walk out of here on my own."

"No," he said firmly, simply. "You are _not_ leaving."

"Stephen, I want to go home. I've been away for far too long."

"You can't," he said, his voice finally breaking. "They nearly lost you, Abby. They weren't sure if they could even save you after they managed to deliver Leslee."

Abby's eyes widened. "What?" Because the words didn't really make sense to her when she was feeling better than she had in months.

"Your appendix had been leaking toxins for a while now. When it ruptured, they flooded your system."

That caused Abby to turn pale. "Leslee?" Trust her not to process the fact that she could have died until she knew that their daughter was fine.

"She's fine," he assured her. "Absolutely perfect and absolutely healthy."

"Will they let Becker bring her down here?" Her eyes were full of pleading now. "They thought I was going to die?"

That scared her more than anything; that the guys would have had to deal with something like that right when they should have been getting the happiest news they could receive.

"They thought you might, yes," he said, taking her hand and squeezing it gently. "And I don't known if they will. Do you want me to find out?"

She nodded, clinging to his hand. Because that panic in her eyes wasn't going to fade until she saw all three of them in one room.

He leaned over to kiss her gently before pulling back to go seek out the doctor again.

Abby collapsed back against the pillows, fear causing her to shake. _Died_. She could have died. Even if the guys had gotten to her in the crucial time, she still could have died and left them and their child.

Stephen found the doctor again, though not as easily this time. Poor guy looked like he wanted to hide. "She wants to see Leslee. Now, I'm pretty sure we can't take the baby out of the NICU. Is there any way we could get Abby up there for a couple minutes? Because trust me, she's not going to rest and relax until she's seen us all together."

The doctor frowned for a moment and then nodded. "Let me get some things arranged and we'll bring a wheelchair and a portable IV in for Miss Maitland. A nurse will take her up there."

"She's going to love you for that," Stephen said with a faint smile.

"She can't stay long. The baby is not the only one in danger of catching germs or infection."

"She'll be fine with that. She just wants to see us all."

The doctor nodded. "I'll make sure I make the arrangements for her."

Stephen headed back to Abby's room, a little bounce in his step. Even if it was only for a couple minutes, he liked the idea of his family being all in one room for a little while.

Abby sat up quickly when he came back into the room. "Well? Will they let me see her?"

"The doctor's arranging for a wheelchair and a portable IV so you can be taken up to her," he said.

She nodded, relief showing in her eyes. "Stephen, it was really that bad? I remember getting sick all night and then pain... and then calling Becker's."

"It really was," he confirmed quietly. "The doctors can answer all your questions, but... from what they were willing to tell me, it was that bad."

"But it doesn't feel like I'm that bad," she said quietly. Her face, though, had paled when she realized just how close she had come to breaking her promise to Becker permanently. "Oh god. Stephen, does Hilary know?"

"No, he doesn't," Stephen said. "The doctors were going to tell us after they spoke to Lester about it."

"You can't let Lester or the doctors be the one to tell him, Stephen." Abby was getting over excited and one of her monitors started to beep as her heart rate jumped. "Please. They won't tell him in a way that won't scare him. I promised him before that the only way he'd ever really lose me was through death. If they tell him that they thought they were going to lose me after they saved Leslee..."

"Relax, Abby," he said gently. "I'll tell him. I promise, I'll tell him." And because he wasn't afraid to play dirty, he added, "You have to calm down or they won't let you go see our daughter."

That made her even paler and tears filled her eyes. "I've messed everything up."

Oh, God.

"Ssh, love," he said, moving to wrap an arm around her. "You haven't messed up a thing."

Abby buried her face in Stephen's shoulder and started to cry.

Stephen held her close and let her cry, rubbing her back gently with one hand. "We love you, Abby," he said quietly. "We always will. And we'll always love our daughter."

"We should be home with our daughter, and instead we're stuck here."

"If we weren't here, you'd still be at your new flat and Becker and I would still be alone. So really, being stuck here isn't so bad. Because at least it means we have you again."

That made her cry even more. "I missed you. I missed you so much. So many times I almost called you, almost came to see you."

"We missed you, too," he said. "Both of us."

"Never again," she whispered into his chest.

"No, never again," he agreed. "Because Hilary and I are never going to do that to you again. We're never going to drive you away again."

"I love you two so damn much," she whispered. "I didn't see any other way."

"It's all right, love," he said. "Because we're together again now." He smiled gently. "Now, come and dry those tears. You want to be calm when you see our baby girl, don't you?"

Abby nodded, trying to get herself calmed down. "She's really all right and safe?"

"She is," he said. "She's so tiny and delicate right now, but she'll get stronger as she gets older. She's fine, love."

She nodded, lifting a hand to wipe her eyes, but not moving away from the safety of Stephen's arms. "Good. That's really good."

He smiled encouragingly. "You might even get to hold her... if you can get Hilary to let go of her."

She sniffled and smiled slightly. "I wouldn't try to take her away from him right now."

"It's... strange," he said. "How six hours ago we didn't know where you were, much less that we had a daughter. And now... we know."

She chewed on her lip. There wasn't much that she could think of to say that.

"And I wouldn't change it for the world," he hastened to assure her. "It's just overwhelming to realize just how much your life can change in the space of a few hours. Because now I have this tiny little life that I would already die to protect, and I didn't even know she existed this morning." There was awe in his voice, though.

"I wish I could have told you guys when I first found out."

"I do, too," he admitted quietly. "But I understand why you couldn't."

"I was scared." She looked at him. "I was scared that you guys would only want to make things work with the three of us because of the baby... and I hated my own childhood too much to take that risk. I wanted her to know she was loved, but not feel like she was in the way or keeping people unhappy like I did."

"I hate that you were so scared, but I hate even more that it's my fault."

"It's not your fault, love. All three of us contributed to that fear of mine and that atmosphere." She reached up to touch his cheek. "You've more than made up for it."

"I hope so." He smiled at her touch. "You should relax a little until the doctor comes in."

"Could you sit up here next to me?"

"Of course," he said before sitting carefully on the bed with her, wrapping an arm around her.

Relieved, Abby leaned into him. Stephen and Becker always made her feel safe, and right now, she needed this assurance that everything was going to be all right.

"I'm glad you called us when things started going wrong," Stephen said quietly. "I'm glad that even though we hurt you, something inside you still knew that when it came right down to it, we'd make everything okay again."

She nodded. "I did. When the pain got so bad that it was so hard to breathe, all I could think about was calling and hoping I could reach you."

"I'm glad we were home."

"So am I, because at that moment, the flat phone was the only number I could recall. I hate to think of what might have happened to Leslee because I couldn't remember your mobiles."

"So don't think about it," Stephen said. "Just think about the fact that you remembered the number and that you and our daughter are safe."

He smiled. "It's strange to be saying that. Our daughter. But strange in a good way," he hurried to add.

She laughed softly. "Glad you guys are okay with being fathers."

"Becker's always wanted kids."

She swallowed hard. "And you?"

"Never really thought I was the type for it."

"But now?"

"Even now, I wasn't sure. But when Becker told them I was the father, I felt this... this rush."

"A good rush?"

"An amazing one."

Abby relaxed against him, closing her eyes.

"Scary, yeah," he continued. "But scary doesn't have to mean bad. And it didn't. It didn't at all."

"You'll be a good dad, both of you will."

"I hope so. Because we don't ever want to let you or Leslee down." If he thought like that, how bad could he really do?

"I know so," she murmured softly. "You'll do fine."

"And you'll be an amazing mother."

"I hope so, Stephen," she whispered. "God I hope so."

"I know so."

"I love you," she murmured against him.

"I love you, too," he said softly. "Go on, get some sleep until the doctor comes. I promise I'll wake you up."

It didn't take long before a combination of exhaustion, relief and the medications she was on to lull Abby into a sleep as she was held by Stephen.

He was still holding her when the doctor came in.

The doctor smiled. "We can let her sleep and come back later, or we can wake her up and take her up now for a few minutes. I guarantee you that she won't stay awake very long, though."

"She'll be so cranky if we don't wake her up." Stephen laughed softly. "C'mon, love, time to wake up and go see the baby."

It took a moment for Abby to open her eyes, but when she did, she smiled tiredly. "I can go see Leslee now?"

The doctor nodded. "But only for a few minutes. You need your rest."

"And we'll make sure she gets settled back in before we leave," Stephen promised the doctor as he moved off the bed before carefully helping Abby out of it.

Abby frowned as she was placed in the wheelchair since she thought she could walk just fine on her own. But looking the grim faces of Stephen and the doctor, she decided not to argue the point.

Smart Abby. Arguing meant no seeing the baby.

"You are going to fall in love with her even more the second you see her," Stephen said.

"Of course I am," she murmured, yawning a little. "She's a part of the three of us."

"You and me," he said. "Looks-wise, I mean. Wonder how she'll take after Becker." Because he just knew she would.

"By being protective and cute as hell when doing it?" She suggested.

"And the gun thing. I definitely see our little one knowing her weaponry."

She laughed softly and nodded. "Oh yes. I can see that, too."

"We're going to have to stop him from trying to buy her her first gun at a ridiculously early age, aren't we?"

"You're not exactly restrained when it comes to your weapons, love."

"Oh, hush up and let me blame him for _something_."

"No," she said tilting her head up to give him a cheeky grin.

"Brat," he said, making a face at her.

"But I'm your brat."

"Damn right you are."

"I'm kind of hoping I get to see you both act possessive of me at the same time. Very hot."

"Just so long as it's not aimed at each other, because that? Isn't pretty and helped get us into this mess." Stephen laughed softly.

"We'll do fine," she said with all of the confidence she hadn't felt in months.

"Damn right we will."

The doctor turned the chair and took them through a set of double doors where they gowned and masked the two parents. After that was done, he wheeled Abby's chair into the neonatal care room. Becker was sitting in a chair holding Leslee and watching her with awe.

"Hand over the baby," Stephen said, fondness evident in his voice. "Let the mama hold her for a while."

Becker smiled as he gently placed Leslee in Abby's arms. "Here you go, Mama. She was waiting for you."

"Beautiful," Stephen said softly. "Absolutely beautiful." He reached out to take Becker's hand in his. "Our Abby and our daughter."

Abby was completely focused on the baby in her arms. "I told you it would be all right," she whispered to Leslee. "I promised you that they'd figure it out."

Stephen moved forward, resting his free hand lightly on Abby's shoulder. "I'm just sorry it took us so long."

Leslee grabbed at Abby's finger with her hand and Abby smiled softly. "But you did and that's all that matters."

"She's beautiful," Becker said softly. "And she's mine." There was awe in his voice because, all right, not his biologically. But she was still his.

Abby nodded. "She's just as beautiful as her fathers." She was going to be stubborn about this detail.

Neither man was going to argue on that fact. "Thank God we're pretty," Stephen said with a grin.

That made Abby laugh softly, even as she closed her eyes for a moment. For the first time in months, she felt completely at ease and relaxed. Her family was together and everything looked like it was going to be all right.

"You look beautiful holding her," Stephen said softly. "Like this is what your life was leading up to."

"She's going to be the most precious thing ever," Abby said, looking down into the blue eyes of their daughter. "She'll definitely make returning to work quite a new adventure."

"Returning to work where?" Becker asked hesitantly.

"The ARC," she said calmly. "Lester held onto my job for me. That's where my family is. The nursery at the zoo was fine and all, but it wasn't home."

There was no mistaking the relief on his face. "He didn't want to let any of us quit."

Oh, not the time to bring that up. Quick, Becker, find a way to salvage!

Abby's eyes clouded as she looked up at him. "What?"

"I had a particularly stupid patch and tried to resign. Lester pretty much verbally flipped me off and said no way."

"Oh no," Abby whispered, her voice filled with sorrow. "Hilary..."

"So I took a few days off... and then you called."

She looked relieved at that. "You're not quitting?"

"Lester wouldn't let me."

"Good," she said softly. "You're too good to lose." She looked at him. "In any fashion."

He smiled faintly. "I've got a few more days before I actually go back -- he made me take two weeks. So I'll be able to spend plenty of time with you."

"I'll be so clingy you'll both get tired of me." There was a smile on her face when she said that, though.

"Nope, not gonna happen." Becker smiled.

"We'll all be able to spend time with you for a while," Stephen said. "I'll be able to wrangle a few days out of my bosses. Especially when I tell them my girlfriend just had a baby."

She smiled at them both. "I like the idea of having plenty of uninterrupted time with you two." She winced. "Well, after I get done being chewed out by Becker's men."

"They knew where you were." Becker's voice was quiet. "God damn it, they knew where you were." He was fighting to keep his voice low. "They knew and I didn't think to ask them. They knew and they didn't tell me."

"They knew because Lester thought I needed a security detail for some reason." She still didn't understand his logic on that. "They weren't going to offer the information because you've trained them too well to betray confidences like that -- and I didn't want to be found." She reached to touch his arm. "Had you asked, they would have told you the truth because you're their Captain and they respect you too much not to be honest. But love, you didn't know that they knew where I was. You had no reason to think that they would. After all, my best friends didn't know."

"I _should_ have known," he said dully. "I know you're friends with some of them."

"I was really good at covering my tracks and disappearing," she pointed out softly.

"Which you are never to try doing again," Stephen said firmly.

Becker was pulling away from them again, emotionally and physically. "I should have known," he said again. "We talked to everybody. Why didn't I think to ask any of them?"

Abby's eyes were filling with tears as she reached her free hand towards him. "Don't." Her voice broke. "Please don't." As she got upset, Leslee picked up on it and started to fuss a little bit.

Leslee's fussing snapped him out of it... for the time being, at least. "I'm sorry, baby girl," he said. "And I'm sorry, Abby my girl." He leaned down to press a kiss to the top of her head.

Leslee was giving him a very annoyed look. Baby girls seemed to be very good at that and she waved the fist not tangled in Abby's hair at him. Then she smiled.

"Hi, honey," Becker cooed, reaching down to touch her fist cautiously. "Oh, you're beautiful, aren't you? Yes, you are."

Anyone that tried telling him this wasn't his daughter was going to quickly learn otherwise.

Stephen laughed. "She already has you wrapped around her finger."

"Oh, like she doesn't have you already there, too?" Becker retorted, pressing another kiss to the top of Abby's head. "I really am sorry," he said softly.

"I know," Abby whispered. "It's okay. I am, too."

Abby would have said something further, but that was when her doctor and a nurse came in.

"I'm sorry, gentlemen, but Miss Maitland needs rest, as does little Leslee." The doctor looked at Abby. "There will be no arguments out of you, Miss Maitland. I have already discussed this with Mr. Hart and Sir James."

And Becker was in agreement with the two of them.

"You can come back later, Abby," Stephen coaxed. Notice he didn't say how _much_ later.

Abby looked at Leslee and then the two guys before nodding. She didn't want to argue and risk the doctor telling Becker what he had told Stephen. Stephen needed to tell him what was going on. She was worrying about that as she handed her daughter to the nurse.

Stephen could see the worry in Abby's eyes. He'd just have to hope they'd be able to get back to Abby's room and relative privacy so he could pull Becker aside and break the news himself.

The doctor smiled gently. "I'll let the gentleman take Miss Maitland back to her room. I think she'd be more comfortable and less difficult that way." His eyes twinkled as he looked at Abby.

Stephen smiled, stepping aside and letting Becker take the chair.

Becker curled his hands around the handles of the wheelchair and started pushing Abby down the hall and to the elevators so that they could get her back to her room.

Stephen waited until they'd gotten Abby back to their room and settled into bed before pulling Becker aside. "Hil, we need to talk."

Becker looked from Abby's bed where a nurse was taking her vital signs and then looked at Stephen. He noticed that they hadn't approached Abby's bed yet and that wasn't a good sign. Not wanting to bother the nurse, he frowned, gesturing Stephen outside. Once they were out in the hall, he looked at him.

"What's wrong?"

"We came damn close to losing her."

Becker frowned. "I know, but we got her here in time, Stephen. You see her. She's okay."

"No, we came _really_ damn close." He reached out to take Becker's hand in his. "As in, another hour and they probably would have lost her."

Becker stared at him for a moment, his face paling. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Her appendix ruptured, leaking toxins into her system. It'd been going on for over a day. If she hadn't called you, she would have died. They were barely able to save her as is."

"Oh my God."

"I asked the doctor to let me tell you."

Becker ran his free hand through his hair. "Yeah. That's good. Hell." He let out a sigh. "Does she know?"

"Yeah." Stephen nodded slightly. "She does."

"That's why she wasn't allowed to stay with Leslee very long, isn't it? Because they're not sure that she is completely all right now."

Stephen nodded again.

"Oh God." Becker's voice was quiet and even. It was the type of voice he used when he was trying to maintain his calm.

"It's why she wanted me to be the one to tell you." Stephen squeezed Becker's hand. "But she's going to be all right, Hilary."

"She is, because we're going to take care of her and make sure of it. She damn well isn't leaving here until her doctor tells us it's safe."

"Exactly," Stephen said with a nod. "No matter how many times she pouts at us."

"It's not going to work this time because she _needs_ to do what the doctors say. Her pouts aren't going to work when we have to weigh them against her life."

"Which isn't going to stop her from trying. Which, to be fair, we wouldn't want her to not try it. Because it's such an Abby thing to do," Stephen said. "But we're not going to let it work. She'll stay in that bed if we have to bribe her into it."

Becker nodded, his jaw tightening. "One way or the other she will stay there and she will behave. We almost lost her and we are not risking her like that. We are not letting Leslee grow up without her mother."

Stephen squeezed Becker's hand a final time before letting go. "Leslee is going to have all three of her parents."

"Yes she will," Becker said with a decisive nod.

"Thank you for that, by the way. For... for telling them I'm the father."

"You are."

"Yeah, but... you didn't know that at the time. It could have just as easily been that you were the father."

"No. Whether I was or not, they were damn sure going to know you as the father and a part of our lives." Becker looked at him. "They know me and they know Abby here. You're still an unknown entity to them. Now you're not. Now they know you're the father and you belong here with Abby."

"I'd say you're missing out on getting to be a father, but you won't be. You'll be right there in the thick of it with us." Stephen smiled slightly. "And who knows? Maybe there will be other children in our future."

"As long as Abby and Leslee are safe and with us, that's all I need to know."

"Then everything's going to work out just fine."

He nodded, his face still a little pale from the news of how close they had come to losing Abby, and how much danger she could still be in.

"Hey..." Stephen said gently. "I know you're scared. If you want to talk about it, I'm right here."

"Her dying... or even coming so close..."

"It's scary," Stephen said with a nod. "I know. That's what I thought, too."

Becker pulled away only so that he could lean against the wall and run his hands through his hair as he tried to get his shaking to stop and get his thoughts to calm down.

Stephen just stood there, not sure what to do other than to simply be there for the other man. So that was exactly what he did. He stood there, close enough for comfort but enough space between them for Becker to not feel smothered.

"My men knew where she was this entire time," Becker said, giving voice to the other thing that was on his mind. "They knew and they didn't tell me a damn thing -- even when they saw how worried I was."

"Oh, love..." Stephen sighed. "That's a matter to take up with them, but... they like Abby. She's their friend. They just wanted to keep her safe."

"But how they have kept her from me? Especially when they found out she was pregnant. They've known... and Lester has known... for four months where she was while you and I have been worried out of our minds about her."

"I'm not thrilled about that part," Stephen admitted. "Maybe we had a lesson to learn... okay, we definitely had a lesson to learn... but it wasn't their job to help teach it."

Becker let the back of his head hit the wall with a soft thump. "No, it wasn't their job to do so. It makes me angry that we've been worried sick about her and trying to tear up the city to find her... and they knew this whole time that she was safe and nearby."

And that was when things clicked.

"Shit." Stephen's hands clenched for a second. "Lester told us. In a very cryptic fashion, but he told us."

Becker turned to look at him, an obvious question on his face.

"He said she could be working someplace close, working as a vet or with a security team. Enough clues that weren't quite entirely right but were close enough. God! He _told_ us. Without actually saying anything, he told us where she was."

Becker closed his eyes with a groan. "And were were too bloody stupid to realize what he was saying. No wonder he kept treating us like sodding idiots."

"If we'd been a little smarter, a little less wrapped up in ourselves, we could have had her back weeks ago." Stephen was pale and trying to fight that. "But we weren't. It was still all about us and our pain, and we never stopped to think about hers."

"And I know she's still hurting and still so damn unsure where she fits with us. Oh, she loves the ring, loves that we want her to come home, but she's still hesitant and skittish about her place and how angry we're going to be with her once the newness and the shock wears off."

"She fits right between us, or in front of us, or wherever the hell she wants to be," Stephen said. "She's _ours_ , damn it, and she always will be. Sure, we're hurting. But that doesn't change that we want her to come _home_."

"I have a feeling we'll have to keep making sure that she knows that's what we want from her. Because even though she was happy were were here and she was relieved about coming home, you could tell from her eyes that she hurting and skittish and unsure if we can really forgive her and accept her."

Stephen nodded. "We'll have to do something for her when she gets home to show her just how much she fits with us still."

"Yeah, because she's scared and I don't like that."

"And whatever we do won't magically make everything all better, but it'll be a start and I think if she sees us making that first overture, it'll help a little."

Becker nodded. "You're right and it keeps Quinn off our backs about her happiness. And Sarah, Jenny, Lester, Connor, Cutter... my men."

"So really, it shows her we mean it and it saves our sanity." Stephen frowned thoughtfully. "Now the only question is, what do we do for her?"

"Stay here as often as one of us can. Make the flat into a true home for her... or find us a bigger flat."

"A bigger flat," Stephen said. "Someplace without any memories attached, where the only memories she'll have of us are the good ones."

Becker nodded. "A place where she'll feel peaceful and won't have to remember the months that led up to this... or the months she was gone."

"Where she won't have to worry about anything except the life we're building together."

"I really like this plan, Stephen. It's a new start for our family."

"It's exactly what we need."

Becker nodded. "You're right. It is exactly what we need."

"Now, the important question." Stephen grinned. "Bedding -- one really big bed or no?"

The other man laughed. "Really big one. And a comfortable sofa for those nights one or both of us gets her pissed off."

"Oh, yes. A comfortable sofa is a must."

"Because it's going to happen that there are going to be fights. It's a normal thing with relationships."

"And face it, the three of us can probably come up with some real winners for fights."

"We're definitely not in the spectrum of boring."

"And this is a good thing." Stephen said with a nod.

Becker shook his head and ran a hand through his hair again. "It's not a bad set-up, as far as families go."

"No, it's not. And really, Leslee's going to have what every kid should have -- parents who love her."

"Oh hell yes," Becker agreed. "Parents who love her more than any child has ever been loved." He had kind of a goofy smile on his face when he said that. "We have a daughter."

Stephen grinned. "We do. An absolutely beautiful daughter."

Becker grinned back. "She gorgeous, just like her mum."

"I hope she takes after Abby."

Becker laughed. "Only Abby? Stop and consider what it would mean if she was a little carbon copy of our Abby?"

"God help us."

Becker smiled faintly. "Exactly. It's hard enough keeping up with _Abby_ sometimes. If Leslee turns out to be just like her?"

"Okay, then I hope she turns out _mostly_ like Abby."

Now he laughed. "Come on. We should probably get in there before she sweet talks some nurse or orderly into letting her discharge herself."

Stephen couldn't help laughing. "Oh, God, you know her so well."

"She so would without the two of us here to stop her," Becker groaned.

"So yeah, we better get in there and head it off at the pass."

He nodded, then shook his head. "Life will certainly never be dull with her back, that's for sure."

"With her back, life will be amazing," Stephen said before they walked into the room.


End file.
